You love him more

Ai-han Ai-han we went to da zoo today! 
Oh wow Seark that's so cool (as he walks away muttering  while I was stuck in school all day)
Ai-han we taw a horse, and a pig, a 6 7 8 monties!!!! 
Aren't you a lucky boy...

Mom, you love Seark more than me. 
Don't be ridiculous. I love you all the same. 
Really?! All of us the same?! You sent me to school and took them to the zoo!!! 
Aidan, you have to go to school. And for the 5 years before you went to school I did the same things with you.
Whatever. If you loved me as much as him you would let me skip school and take me to the zoo with you. 

This from the child that was thoroughly unimpressed with the Bronx Zoo. The biggest zoo in our area. The zoo where we saw a baby gorilla that had been born just days before. The zoo so big you can't even see all they have to offer in one day. Unimpressed. Bored literally to tears. Would rather be ANYWHERE BUT HERE which apparently meant anywhere excluding school. Clearly I love Seark more for taking him to a local "zoo" which is really a very small park with a as in one horse, two pigs, and a few monkeys, among other very ordinary animals. I love Seark more because I felt bad that he spends most of his days waiting for Rylan to nap so I can play with him that to make up for it I took him for one hour to this local basically barn while Aidan was in school. 

Why does Seark get a birthday party? How many of my friends are invited.
Seark gets a birthday party because it is his birthday and that's what he wanted. I invited one of your friends so you have someone to play with and that is it. It is a birthday party for Seark not you and your friends. 
I didn't even get a party when I turned 3!!!
No you didn't. When you turned 3 we took you to Walt Disney World for 10 days!! because that is what YOU wanted for YOUR birthday!!! 
Well that was a long time ago and I don't even remember it. I didn't get a party this year either.
No you didn't. This year we took you to all your favorite places in New York City. Lunch at the restaurant you picked was $300+ alone. We took you to FAO a world famous toy store and let you buy whatever you wanted. All because that is what YOU wanted to do. And just in case you forgot you told us all day that it was the best birthday EVER!!! Seark is having a party in the woods for god sake. A small party in the WOODS! Catered by a small Italian Deli. The highlight of the day is making felt capes that were insanely cheap! 
Still he is getting a party and I didn't. Just admit it you love him more. 

This kid has got to be kidding me?! He can not be serious! More than a week in Disney! 
FAO Schwartz!!! He has had the best birthdays ever! I am jealous of his birthdays. How could he possibly feel like he is being slighted and that I love Seark more?! 

Scenarios play out like this more than I ever expected. Have I really spoiled Aidan to the point that he genuinely feels cheated simply because his brother is having a birthday. And the answer is YES! Aside from ridiculous birthday celebrations and big gifts both before and after Seark was born I tell my kids how much I love them everyday. Several times a day. Even when they aren't behaving. Has he missed that?! All of the time. Effort. Patience. Projects. Toys. Trips to the zoo and parks. Nights reading stories (over and over and over and over). Band aids and kisses on boo boos that most of the time weren't even visible. Did none of that count?! At first hearing Aidan say "You love him more than me" or anything along those lines would honestly hurt my heart. I would never want any of my kids to feel that way. I would immediately stop what I was doing and tell Aidan how much I loved and adored him and try to do something to make him feel extra special that day. Unbeknownst to me my son was child con artist. 

I am sure the first time he uttered those words he felt that way (for a moment). It is hard sharing everything including mom after 5 years of having everything to yourself. And God did I feel guilty for having put him in that situation. Which I realize is laughable. I let my 5 year old guilt me into trips to the ice cream parlor, toys that he didn't need, watching tv well after his bed time before I finally realized he was one step ahead of me. So absorbed in trying to prove my love for him which is just ridiculous I was being conned by a 5 year old that was smart enough to realize those were like the magic key to getting his way! 

Nothing terrible happened to Aidan. Our family is growing as most do. Yes it is an adjustment for all of us and now I realize not one that requires rewards and constant pity parties which only confirms the feeling that we need to make things up to him because he now has a brother. Aidan KNOWS that he is loved. There is no way that he couldn't . But damn is he good and milked that for all it was worth. He stills gives it his best effort. The sad lip. Puppy dog eyes. An almost inaudible you love him more. Even though I know better there are still times he almost has me. But I will be damned if I take one more trip to Toys R Us after being guilted by this little flimflammer. No. I have cut down on his hustle by simply saying I love you. I love you all the same. I love you so much I do not need to buy you a thing to prove it. I will show you my love by giving you hugs and kisses at every single opportunity. Like when you come out school after I haven't seen you all day I will scoop you up and hug and kiss you for all the world to see how much I missed you and love you. We can hold hands every where we go. I love you so much I want to be with every second of every day even when your friends com over to play. To which he responds "Your such a weirdo! Fine. YOU LOVE ME. I GET IT." He also dodges me like a bullet outside of school and walks a block of head of me everywhere we go now just in case I decide he is in need of a little extra love. 

Another trial and error lesson in parenting. I always knew more toys and or giving into your child's every whim is not the answer but when you haven't figure out a logical solution like how to balance the new family dynamic and you so desperately want your baby to be happy anything sounds good even if it is a temporary fix that will really just blow up in your face if you let it continue. I wanted Aidan to be happy more than anything. Which isn't a good thing. Learning that  life changes and you have to adjust is just as important.  Understanding that the love we have for him is all consuming and unconditional no matter what changes around us with out making a trip to the toy store is paramount. As long as he gets that we can get through anything. And we will even if I have to learn as we go.