comes to the table with my plate full of food and says are you done yet? Why yes I am. Don't I look done visibly masticating my food, bouncing a baby on my hip, plate barely touched. I look done right? No, no I am not done and I am going to take my sweet ass time I don't care who is waiting for this table. I am going to finish this cold plate of food as soon as my husband is done eating until he is content and takes this baby. So, why don't you ask him if he is done yet?!
Hey your son is 2 right? Are you potty training? Are you done with that yet? Hmmmm. Yes we are potty training. I would love to also answer yes to are we done with that too. But I know that it will be just my luck that if I do he will totally piss himself the next time we are out with you and your completely potty trained baby Einstein who was done with diapers by the time he was six months old and I will look like a liar
. So I will say thoughtfully.... no we are not done but doing really well. Well enough to not wear diapers anymore. Not well enough to forego the extra pair of pants in my diaper bag.
Mom are you done in there?
Am I done? Can't you hear the water running still?! I'm still in the shower if you can hear the water. When I come out is when I will be DONE!
Wow three boys?! Are you gonna try for a girl or are you done now? I know that this is just a question that people ask just to make some kind of awkward small talk and by now I am armed with my standard small talk answer which has nothing to do with how I really feel.
Whether or not am I done having kids has nothing to do with a boy/ girl ratio. To have another baby just to have a girl which is only a 50/50 chance would be silly. Besides if I was having more kids for the purpose of having a girl how would that make the next boy feel?
The real question though is am I done having children. The real answer....
After I had Aidan I was certain I was done. DONE. PERIOD. Anyone asked if we were having anymore kids I would say nope... one and done. Well almost done. Of course I had no idea that five years later I would be having Seark. To my surprise I went from one and done to two and I think want one more. Baby number three just wasn't meant to be. Miscarriages were unfortunate things that happened to other women not me. Until it was happening to me. Why was this happening to me? Was another baby just not in the stars? Was I asking for too much? Maybe it doesn't matter if you think you are done. Was this some divine intervention, some higher power's way of telling me I'm done? It could be or it could be just one of those things. If everything happens for a reason I can't rest until I know the reason. Why did I lose a baby? Why did it happen to me? Annoying but that is how my brain works. It tends to spiral. My thoughts were so out of control, my mind so preoccupied I had no idea what was going on inside my body. While I was questioning the universe and a God I doubt, there was a baby already growing in my belly. Clearly we were not done and I didn't even know it. That baby is now here. Am I done now? I am 99.9 % sure that Rylan is the last baby I will give birth to. Do I feel like I am done? No. I am not even sure that another baby would make me feel done. I am not unsatisfied. I don't feel incomplete. I feel like saying I am done puts a period in a place it doesn't belong if that makes any sense. I do not plan on having any more babies, but truthfully I am not much of planner unless you are talking about my kids bed time on a night I am going out. That I have a plan for.
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