Tonight was like any other. The craziness that ensues trying to get the kids bathed and ready for bed. Scrambling around the house to make sure their back packs are packed and their lunches and snacks are ready for the next day. Clearing the dinner table and cleaning the kitchen disaster. And then it happened. The dish washer was loaded. The counters all cleaned. My husband said to me... Can I turn on the dishwasher and I replied... What does that even mean? Would you like me to help you press the button? Thankfully he has a sense of humor and also speaks fluent sarcasm. But tonight instead of snapping back with something witty and equally sarcastic he said no I am asking because before you almost had a heart attack that I turned the dishwasher on before you were ready.
Honestly it sounded so ridiculous coming out of his mouth we both started to laugh. The thing is...its not really funny. Earlier in the day I was going to make dinner. I like to put the dishes in the dishwasher immediately after I use them. I couldn't because the dishwasher was already running. Instead of thanking my husband for cleaning up lunch and breakfast and doing the dishes I SNAPPED at him. WHY IS THE DISHWASHER ON?! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?! NOW ALL THESE DISHES ARE GONNA SIT IN THE SINK!!! (god forbid that happened) SERIOUSLY YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THAT!!! AND THE DISWASHER WAS NOT EVEN FULL. ITS BASICALLY A WASTE OF 2 HOURS AND TWICE THE WORK. SO THANKS FOR THAT!
In the moment I was really annoyed! I did not give one thought to what a bitch I was being. I felt justified. And totally aggravated as I put the pots and pans in the sink. So this is the part where I have that moment that I say to myself... LIKE WOAH YOU NEED TO TONE IT DOWN. That level of petty bitchiness is so uncalled for! And if the shoe was on the other foot things would have went down totally different. But they didn't... because he doesn't talk to me like that.
Of course then to make matters worse when he DOES ask if he can turn on the dishwasher to make sure that's what I want I talked to him like he was... well an idiot. That's tough to even type. Because I do not think that of my husband at all and I am almost embarrassed that I did talk to him that way on both occasions.
So, time for a little self reflection. Time to take a good look in the mirror and admit this is not me at my best. He deserves better than the bat shit crazy wife that loses it over the freaking dishwasher!
It is so easy to get caught up and burnt out by all the every day stuff! I've been a little over worked and a lot over tired. So this was the reality check I needed. Stop sweating the small stuff! The next time my husband does something nice for me (no matter how little help or how much hindrance it actually was) I am going to take a deep breath and thank him (while I silently have a mental breakdown).
Really its the least I could do.
Sunday, March 12, 2017
Friday, March 10, 2017
Crossing the line
Don't think I wont embarrass you in front your friends!!! Because I totally will!!!
We all say it. And we mean it. And we secretly hope the warning is more than enough. We really want the fear of being embarrassed in front of your peers to be all you need to behave. We want to be the cool mom. We want to not lose our shit and show that side of crazy to your friends. We also don't want your friends running home and telling their moms you wont believe what Aidan's mom did!!!
As many times that I have uttered those words I have never actually followed through. My kids are generally annoying when they are with their friends. They push the limits of what is the norm in our house. I usually smile and bite my tongue. And give my kids that side ways squinty glare as they walk by to let them know they better chill. If the telepathic message was not received via the side eye I pull them aside mutter through a clenched jaw... an almost inaudible whisper... cut. the. shit.
Today my 10 year old crossed the line. And scary mommy creeped out from behind that painful everything is fine smile and totally lost her shit.
It's 10 am. The kids have a snow day. Yay for sleeping in! Quickly the realization that you are trapped in the house with children that go bonkers on an unexpected day off sets in. I'm already looking through amazon video to see what new movies are out. Oh and there is pizza dough in the fridge they can all make their own pizza for lunch. Yes and Moana is on so we are all good.
Until the doorbell rings at 11 am. There stands our neighbor and her son. Who she wants to leave with us for a few hours. Oh my God of course take your time! We will see you later! And just like that all good has turned into oh crap. And this is no reflection on said neighbor or her child. Its my kids! They go from lounging on the couch with gold fish and Disney movies to dumping toy buckets and being obnoxious is 5 seconds flat.
Take a deep breath! Its not the end of the world. So what you just cleaned that room you didn't really expect it to stay that way all day.
Then I hear it. A crash. Something broke. Someone, nope more than one child is crying. Deep Deep breath and possibly zanax are required at this point. Why am I not surprised to see my 10 year old and his friend "playing" monkey in the middle with my two much smaller clearly upset children. Oh and the broken vase?! Did they not notice or do they just not care???
I pull Aidan aside warn him... if you do not cut the shit you are going to be terribly embarrassed in front of your friend. Half hour passes all is quiet. I'm upstairs cleaning. I come down to grab windex and find my kids in the kitchen watching their big brother shaking soda cans and spraying them to entertain his friend. I wonder if I should seek medical attention for this child because he has clearly lost his mind!
So he crossed the line and with no warning I totally. lost. my. shit. He stomped up the stairs with tears streaming down his face telling me he hates me under his breath. His friend stood there silently staring at the floor afraid to make eye contact with Aidan's crazy mom.
The weird thing is I am almost glad that this day has come to pass. Now he knows with out a doubt it is by no means an empty threat. He knows I excpect more from him. And hopefully the next time he has a friend over I wont have to spend the first our keeping him in check with my contorted unhappy mom face.
Although he is embarrassed and hates me today. He will get over it. He will also learn he can only push the limits so far before he crosses the line, and that I hope he will realize applies to life and not just this home.
We all say it. And we mean it. And we secretly hope the warning is more than enough. We really want the fear of being embarrassed in front of your peers to be all you need to behave. We want to be the cool mom. We want to not lose our shit and show that side of crazy to your friends. We also don't want your friends running home and telling their moms you wont believe what Aidan's mom did!!!
As many times that I have uttered those words I have never actually followed through. My kids are generally annoying when they are with their friends. They push the limits of what is the norm in our house. I usually smile and bite my tongue. And give my kids that side ways squinty glare as they walk by to let them know they better chill. If the telepathic message was not received via the side eye I pull them aside mutter through a clenched jaw... an almost inaudible whisper... cut. the. shit.
Today my 10 year old crossed the line. And scary mommy creeped out from behind that painful everything is fine smile and totally lost her shit.
It's 10 am. The kids have a snow day. Yay for sleeping in! Quickly the realization that you are trapped in the house with children that go bonkers on an unexpected day off sets in. I'm already looking through amazon video to see what new movies are out. Oh and there is pizza dough in the fridge they can all make their own pizza for lunch. Yes and Moana is on so we are all good.
Until the doorbell rings at 11 am. There stands our neighbor and her son. Who she wants to leave with us for a few hours. Oh my God of course take your time! We will see you later! And just like that all good has turned into oh crap. And this is no reflection on said neighbor or her child. Its my kids! They go from lounging on the couch with gold fish and Disney movies to dumping toy buckets and being obnoxious is 5 seconds flat.
Take a deep breath! Its not the end of the world. So what you just cleaned that room you didn't really expect it to stay that way all day.
Then I hear it. A crash. Something broke. Someone, nope more than one child is crying. Deep Deep breath and possibly zanax are required at this point. Why am I not surprised to see my 10 year old and his friend "playing" monkey in the middle with my two much smaller clearly upset children. Oh and the broken vase?! Did they not notice or do they just not care???
I pull Aidan aside warn him... if you do not cut the shit you are going to be terribly embarrassed in front of your friend. Half hour passes all is quiet. I'm upstairs cleaning. I come down to grab windex and find my kids in the kitchen watching their big brother shaking soda cans and spraying them to entertain his friend. I wonder if I should seek medical attention for this child because he has clearly lost his mind!
So he crossed the line and with no warning I totally. lost. my. shit. He stomped up the stairs with tears streaming down his face telling me he hates me under his breath. His friend stood there silently staring at the floor afraid to make eye contact with Aidan's crazy mom.
The weird thing is I am almost glad that this day has come to pass. Now he knows with out a doubt it is by no means an empty threat. He knows I excpect more from him. And hopefully the next time he has a friend over I wont have to spend the first our keeping him in check with my contorted unhappy mom face.
Although he is embarrassed and hates me today. He will get over it. He will also learn he can only push the limits so far before he crosses the line, and that I hope he will realize applies to life and not just this home.
Monday, March 6, 2017
This Love
Normally I write about my kids. Because well I spend 99 % of my with time them, thinking about them, planning things for them, taking care of them. But lately there has been something else on my mind (also).
This love.
This love that I share with my husband. Soon we will be married 14 years! 14!!!! So first how did that happen? Cause it just doesn't feel possible. But man 14 years! Cohabitating. Sleeping in the same bed. Eating at the same table. Living. And Breathing in the same space. God bless this man! Because truth be told I can be hard to co-exist with. My mom might tell you that is an understatement. I am stubborn with a bit of OCD. I talk A. LOT. Speaking 85% of the time in fluent sarcasm. I'm moody and particular. I can be over sensitive and super irrational. I'm impulsive and hate being told no. I'm basically my 3 year old with large boobs. And by some miracle he still loves me.
I have been anywhere from 120 pounds to 250! Because there is no in between with me. I am either all in or totally given up. It's a diet of salad and slimfast with aside of exercise or its coffee and reeses and that elliptical machine takes up too much space maybe we should sell it. I haven't just gone through hair phases. I go through split personalities. From long and blonde to a shaved Mohawk that is red and white and either way fat or skinny, conventional or edgy he doesn't freakin bat an eye! He has loved me. All of me. For exactly who I am.
This isn't to say it doesn't go both ways. 10 years ago there were moments when I could have choked him with the socks he left on the floor in front of the recliner for the 900th time! Fleeting moments of course. I never really considered causing him bodily harm. Not over the socks anyway.
This love... It has not been perfect. It has not always been easy. But this love... it has always been patient and kind.
This love has evolved and continues to change. Some people spend their whole life chasing butterflies. And sure nothing will ever feel like that first date, that first kiss, that first time.... But there are a million other firsts past the butterflies that won't hold a candle to anything before. Like the first time you look at him as the father of your children. And suddenly he has become someone brand new. There may not be butterflies but there is this love that has evolved into something so much deeper, trading it for anything new would be crazy.
Life changes. So quickly. Not every day will be a good one. You might go through the very worst together and the only thing that holds you up is his love. And yours does the same for him. After the storm you might find everything has once again changed... but you see the rainbow and at the other side, there it is, all the love you leaned on.
This love. His love. Has changed me. Over the years we have grown up and grown together. We have grown our family and learned to grow the appreciation that we have for each other with every passing stage.
This love has taught us that marriage is about letting go and giving in and forgetting about the socks on the floor. Its about standing your ground too but being wise enough to pick your battles. Its about choosing this love everyday above anything else. It's about putting him and yourself first... together.
We might not be perfect. We might not have it all. But we have it together and this love... it's all I could ever ask for.
This love.
This love that I share with my husband. Soon we will be married 14 years! 14!!!! So first how did that happen? Cause it just doesn't feel possible. But man 14 years! Cohabitating. Sleeping in the same bed. Eating at the same table. Living. And Breathing in the same space. God bless this man! Because truth be told I can be hard to co-exist with. My mom might tell you that is an understatement. I am stubborn with a bit of OCD. I talk A. LOT. Speaking 85% of the time in fluent sarcasm. I'm moody and particular. I can be over sensitive and super irrational. I'm impulsive and hate being told no. I'm basically my 3 year old with large boobs. And by some miracle he still loves me.
I have been anywhere from 120 pounds to 250! Because there is no in between with me. I am either all in or totally given up. It's a diet of salad and slimfast with aside of exercise or its coffee and reeses and that elliptical machine takes up too much space maybe we should sell it. I haven't just gone through hair phases. I go through split personalities. From long and blonde to a shaved Mohawk that is red and white and either way fat or skinny, conventional or edgy he doesn't freakin bat an eye! He has loved me. All of me. For exactly who I am.
This isn't to say it doesn't go both ways. 10 years ago there were moments when I could have choked him with the socks he left on the floor in front of the recliner for the 900th time! Fleeting moments of course. I never really considered causing him bodily harm. Not over the socks anyway.
This love... It has not been perfect. It has not always been easy. But this love... it has always been patient and kind.
This love has evolved and continues to change. Some people spend their whole life chasing butterflies. And sure nothing will ever feel like that first date, that first kiss, that first time.... But there are a million other firsts past the butterflies that won't hold a candle to anything before. Like the first time you look at him as the father of your children. And suddenly he has become someone brand new. There may not be butterflies but there is this love that has evolved into something so much deeper, trading it for anything new would be crazy.
Life changes. So quickly. Not every day will be a good one. You might go through the very worst together and the only thing that holds you up is his love. And yours does the same for him. After the storm you might find everything has once again changed... but you see the rainbow and at the other side, there it is, all the love you leaned on.
This love. His love. Has changed me. Over the years we have grown up and grown together. We have grown our family and learned to grow the appreciation that we have for each other with every passing stage.
This love has taught us that marriage is about letting go and giving in and forgetting about the socks on the floor. Its about standing your ground too but being wise enough to pick your battles. Its about choosing this love everyday above anything else. It's about putting him and yourself first... together.
We might not be perfect. We might not have it all. But we have it together and this love... it's all I could ever ask for.
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