This Love

Normally I write about my kids. Because well I spend 99 % of my with time them, thinking about them, planning things for them, taking care of them. But lately there has been something else on my mind (also).

This love.

This love that I share with my husband. Soon we will be married 14 years! 14!!!! So first how did that happen? Cause it just doesn't feel possible. But man 14 years! Cohabitating. Sleeping in the same bed. Eating at the same table. Living. And Breathing in the same space. God bless this man! Because truth be told I can be hard to co-exist with. My mom might tell you that is an understatement. I am stubborn with a bit of OCD. I talk A. LOT. Speaking 85% of the time in fluent sarcasm. I'm moody and particular. I can be over sensitive and super irrational. I'm impulsive and hate being told no. I'm basically my 3 year old with large boobs. And by some miracle  he still loves me.

I have been anywhere from 120 pounds to 250! Because there is no in between with me. I am either all in or totally given up. It's a diet of salad and slimfast with aside of exercise or its coffee and reeses and that elliptical machine takes up too much space maybe we should sell it. I haven't just gone through hair phases. I go through split personalities. From long and blonde to a shaved Mohawk that is red and white and either way fat or skinny, conventional or edgy he doesn't freakin bat an eye! He has loved me. All of me. For exactly who I am.

This isn't to say it doesn't go both ways. 10 years ago there were moments when I could have choked him with the socks he left on the floor in front of the recliner for the 900th time! Fleeting moments of course. I never really considered causing him bodily harm. Not over the socks anyway.

This love... It has not been perfect. It has not always been easy. But this love... it has always been patient and kind.

This love has evolved and continues to change. Some people spend their whole life chasing butterflies. And sure nothing will ever feel like that first date, that first kiss, that first time.... But there are a million other firsts past the butterflies that won't hold a candle to anything before. Like the first time you look at him as the father of your children. And suddenly he has become someone brand new. There may not be butterflies but there is this love that has evolved into something so much deeper, trading it for anything new would be crazy.

Life changes. So quickly. Not every day will be a good one. You might go through the very worst together and the only thing that holds you up is his love. And yours does the same for him. After the storm you might find everything has once again changed... but you see the rainbow and at the other side, there it is, all the love you leaned on.

This love. His love. Has changed me. Over the years we have grown up and grown together. We have grown our family and learned to grow the appreciation that we have for each other with every passing stage.

This love has taught us that marriage is about letting go and giving in and forgetting about the socks on the floor. Its about standing your ground too but being wise enough to pick your battles. Its about choosing this love everyday above anything else. It's  about putting him and yourself first... together.

We might not be perfect. We might not have it all. But we have it together and this love... it's all I could ever ask for.