There are moments with my children that will always stay with me. Funny things they said. Little snapshots in my mind of them laughing, wind blowing in their hair, sun light pouring over them. Stuff like favorite bedtime stories and morning snuggles. Moments however fleeting that for some reason even as they are passing you know will just stay with you. I cherish them. I really do. Because there are days I need them... to get me through... all the spilled milk.
We were going to the post office which my kids hate almost as much as I hate going to the gynecologist. There is a subway next to the post office. My middle child begged to eat lunch at subway this particular day. Why they love subway is beyond me since they practically gag at the sight of prepackaged cold cuts which is the staple of a subway sandwich. Somehow it taste better if they cant see the plastic package it came in and costs twice as much.
To subway we go. I don't love taking them out to eat in public places. By which I mean I avoid it as much as I possibly can. But it'subway. What could really go wrong??? Besides everything.
Three. Three is a funny age. You've passed terrible two. They are no longer a wobbly toddler. They don't need a high chair. It should all be smooth sailing from here on out. It's totally not. Not at all. Three is the age of independence and indecisiveness. Three is nonsense and tantrums that even terrible two can't touch. Three is bipolar and belligerent. Three is emotional and very, very loud.Three makes me want four to hurry up and visit.
We walk in and there is a line. Ugh. Three and waiting don't mix. But we make it through. After asking 1,345 times what he'd like to eat we finally order (the lunch he won't eat anyway). At the counter they tell us the kids meal comes with chocolate milk. Cool. We love chocolate milk. And then it happened. Did I mention that three is unpredictable. It is. Unpredictable and explosive. The nice subway guy handed me the chocolate milk. He handed it to me. I repeat he handed it to ME not to three. I know what an asshole?! Who does he think he is handing the chocolate milk to me instead of the tiny person standing next me that he can't see from behind the counter. There was no rectifying this situation. Three had already been unforgivably offended.
I paid for our meals and headed over to the table. Sat all the kids down and passed out their lunches. I leaned over. Twisted off the cap to the chocolate milk and said see he just handed it to me so I could open it for you. Now it is all yours. Three also known as Ry stopped screaming for a brief moment. Squinted his eyes to telepathically say "go fuck yourself" as he reached over and smacked the bottom of the 12oz bottle of chocolate milk. Flipping it over. Sending it into the air as chocolate milk rained down on me and the table before he let out a scream that could be heard by the gods.
My 9 year old sprung from the table. I think he sensed that three would not be having a meltdown alone. He grabbed as many napkins as he could and began sopping up the chocolate mess.if you dont know 12oz is a lot of chocolate milk. Looking directly into my tear filled eyes he whispered "its okay mom I'm gonna clean it all up for you". I could feel the glares of all the other subway patrons. Judging. Silently feeling sorry for me. Thinking my kids would never. I sat there calmly frozen while my kids finished there lunch. Dying to disappear under the table. But I couldn't even seek refuge there as the entire floor was covered in chocolate milk.
Mom we are done. Mom. Mom. Are you ok mom??? We are ready to go!!! I sat there for another minute dreading the walk of shame out subway. As I stood a puddle of chocolate milk that had been gathered in my lap on my dress ran down my legs and into my shoes. I made 2 trips back and forth to the table to throw our garbage out with brown liquid dripping down my legs and shoes making that wet squishy squeaking noise as if nothing had happened.
We made it to the car. The kids got in. I picked Ry up and sat him in his car seat. He had just gained his composure. I looked at his sweet face. Kissed him on his red hot cheek. And whispered in his ear "with God as my witness you will NEVER watch another scooby doo as long as you live if you ever act like that in public again".
And even this. This passing moment in time. One that will stay with me will serve as a reminder tomorrow may be smiles and sunshine even if today was all spilled milk.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Moving On... Moving In
We're not in Kansas anymore. Just kidding we never were. But seriously... we aren't. We moved from the city to the country since the last time I have written a blog. And its safe to say I feel a bit like Dorothy. Every thing is new and wonderful... and unfamiliar. We have bears in our back yard. Strange bugs. Noises that we have never heard before. A quiet darkness (by which I mean you cant see 2 feet in front of you at night) its peaceful and tranquil and fucking creepy all at the same time.
There are turkey vultures, spiders on steroids, and moths bigger than birds. Our neighbors are nice, friendly, they even invite you over for no reason at all... I know so weird... right?! All of this newness makes me want to smile and wave and invite them over for coffee and lock my doors, shut my blinds, and run away. Talk about feeling conflicted. I have been burned before and it makes me leery of forming new friendships.
REWIND (sometime in 2015)
My home town. My house. I felt like both were closing in on me. Suffocating me. I hated the school. The mayor. The moms. I'd burned every bridge to every meaningful friendship that I had made there (with no regrets). Well maybe one... that I let them go to me the way they did. However at this point if I could tell those ex "friends" one thing it would be...go f@*% yourself... where did that come from??? I meant I would tell them thank you. And I do mean that. Without their total shitfullness to push me over the edge I'd probably still be daydreaming about a house in the country instead of living in one.
So we decide to move. Easy peasy put this house for sale and off we go right? Wrong. So, so wrong. Who knew the process of buying and selling is long and excruciating. I'm gonna assume anyone who has bought and sold property before. If you haven't already you can thank me later on for the heads up. (your welcome).
Selling. Like we can totally do this ourselves... I mean why not I see "for sale by owner" all the time and with the internet... nope. Just no. Don't do it. I mean people came to see it. One family even came three times. Talked to us about loving the house, the neighborhood, the block... etc. Their last visit to the house they asked to see the attic. Sure. Go right on up. I stood on the second floor landing with this prospective buyers wife chatting about babies while he climbed the stairs to where the drop down ladder was for the attic. Yup right there just pull that string down and the ladder is in there. He pulls the string. The door flies open and like a scene from a horror movie out drops a giant dead black bird. I dont blame them for fleeing the house like it was on fire. If I were them I would I have totally seen this as a bad omen and fled as well! We never heard from them again.
My husband came home from work later that day and I said remember when I told you I thought I heard scratching in the attic a few months back and you said you would check it out... but you never did. And then the scratching just stopped and you said whatever it was left? Well you were wrong. It died. And it practically attacked that nice couple that was interested in the house. Now we will be here forever.
Forever is what it felt like too. We finally decided to hire a realtor. That went well. By well I mean during our first open house I returned home to get something to find the realtor next door showing my neighbors house while people wandered around ours completely unattended. We took the house off the market and decided all these mishaps were a sign that it wasn't the right time.
It really wasn't. I didn't believe that then. I believed the universe was conspiring to keep me trapped in this is tiny two faced town. Truth is I was running away. Running away from mean girls and broken relationships that were too close for comfort. Running away from gossip and public problems I encountered with the school system. You never want to leave because your running away. Go because your moving towards something.
Over the year that it took us to sell the house I had time to make peace with some things and figure out what we were moving towards. By the time we found our new house and sold our old one... I was no longer running... just moving on. And it felt so good. It felt right.
Moving in.
Finally both houses were closed on. Of course not with out some hiccups. Some people would not call their buyer taking a spontaneous trip to India for an undetermined amount of time hours before the closing a hiccup... and truthfully neither would I. As it was happening I recall a few choice words I had for it and hiccup was not one of them. But I'm like Theresa Guidice post jail time.... all zen and namaste btiches. So hiccup it is.
The hiccups cleared up and here we are all moved in. Which has been fun. For one I got to pintrest like it was my job and instead of just pinning a bunch of stuff that I will never actually follow through on my entire house now reflects my pinning dedication. It also reflects in our bank account. Don't tell my husband.
We also go to do other fun stuff.. like learn about septic systems (gag) and water softners... lots of really fun things. We got an education about local bears and what they will do to your garbage if you leave it outside the house. Funny story: A friend of mine also from the city said to me have you seen many bears up there? I said yes but only on garbage days so far. Her reply... How do they know its garbage day?
Me: I don't think they have it marked on a calendar in their den... pretty sure they just smell the garbage out.
We both had a good laugh.
Our new house has a hot tub. Something I have always wanted. I couldn't wait to use it. And then I couldn't wait to get out of it. You know what cicadas sound like on a summer night in the country??? like the apocalypse!
All kidding aside we love our new home... wild life, neighbors, and all. Moving on and moving in have been overwhelming and incredibly welcomed. I finally feel like I can breathe again.
There are turkey vultures, spiders on steroids, and moths bigger than birds. Our neighbors are nice, friendly, they even invite you over for no reason at all... I know so weird... right?! All of this newness makes me want to smile and wave and invite them over for coffee and lock my doors, shut my blinds, and run away. Talk about feeling conflicted. I have been burned before and it makes me leery of forming new friendships.
REWIND (sometime in 2015)
My home town. My house. I felt like both were closing in on me. Suffocating me. I hated the school. The mayor. The moms. I'd burned every bridge to every meaningful friendship that I had made there (with no regrets). Well maybe one... that I let them go to me the way they did. However at this point if I could tell those ex "friends" one thing it would be...go f@*% yourself... where did that come from??? I meant I would tell them thank you. And I do mean that. Without their total shitfullness to push me over the edge I'd probably still be daydreaming about a house in the country instead of living in one.
So we decide to move. Easy peasy put this house for sale and off we go right? Wrong. So, so wrong. Who knew the process of buying and selling is long and excruciating. I'm gonna assume anyone who has bought and sold property before. If you haven't already you can thank me later on for the heads up. (your welcome).
Selling. Like we can totally do this ourselves... I mean why not I see "for sale by owner" all the time and with the internet... nope. Just no. Don't do it. I mean people came to see it. One family even came three times. Talked to us about loving the house, the neighborhood, the block... etc. Their last visit to the house they asked to see the attic. Sure. Go right on up. I stood on the second floor landing with this prospective buyers wife chatting about babies while he climbed the stairs to where the drop down ladder was for the attic. Yup right there just pull that string down and the ladder is in there. He pulls the string. The door flies open and like a scene from a horror movie out drops a giant dead black bird. I dont blame them for fleeing the house like it was on fire. If I were them I would I have totally seen this as a bad omen and fled as well! We never heard from them again.
My husband came home from work later that day and I said remember when I told you I thought I heard scratching in the attic a few months back and you said you would check it out... but you never did. And then the scratching just stopped and you said whatever it was left? Well you were wrong. It died. And it practically attacked that nice couple that was interested in the house. Now we will be here forever.
Forever is what it felt like too. We finally decided to hire a realtor. That went well. By well I mean during our first open house I returned home to get something to find the realtor next door showing my neighbors house while people wandered around ours completely unattended. We took the house off the market and decided all these mishaps were a sign that it wasn't the right time.
It really wasn't. I didn't believe that then. I believed the universe was conspiring to keep me trapped in this is tiny two faced town. Truth is I was running away. Running away from mean girls and broken relationships that were too close for comfort. Running away from gossip and public problems I encountered with the school system. You never want to leave because your running away. Go because your moving towards something.
Over the year that it took us to sell the house I had time to make peace with some things and figure out what we were moving towards. By the time we found our new house and sold our old one... I was no longer running... just moving on. And it felt so good. It felt right.
Moving in.
Finally both houses were closed on. Of course not with out some hiccups. Some people would not call their buyer taking a spontaneous trip to India for an undetermined amount of time hours before the closing a hiccup... and truthfully neither would I. As it was happening I recall a few choice words I had for it and hiccup was not one of them. But I'm like Theresa Guidice post jail time.... all zen and namaste btiches. So hiccup it is.
The hiccups cleared up and here we are all moved in. Which has been fun. For one I got to pintrest like it was my job and instead of just pinning a bunch of stuff that I will never actually follow through on my entire house now reflects my pinning dedication. It also reflects in our bank account. Don't tell my husband.
We also go to do other fun stuff.. like learn about septic systems (gag) and water softners... lots of really fun things. We got an education about local bears and what they will do to your garbage if you leave it outside the house. Funny story: A friend of mine also from the city said to me have you seen many bears up there? I said yes but only on garbage days so far. Her reply... How do they know its garbage day?
Me: I don't think they have it marked on a calendar in their den... pretty sure they just smell the garbage out.
We both had a good laugh.
Our new house has a hot tub. Something I have always wanted. I couldn't wait to use it. And then I couldn't wait to get out of it. You know what cicadas sound like on a summer night in the country??? like the apocalypse!
All kidding aside we love our new home... wild life, neighbors, and all. Moving on and moving in have been overwhelming and incredibly welcomed. I finally feel like I can breathe again.
Thursday, January 14, 2016
So you didn't win the power ball...
So you didn't win the 1.5 billion dollar jackpot... neither did I. Fuck. I mean seriously I was kind of banking on that shit. Planned the rest of my year accordingly and what not. So yeah... FUCK! Not building a house on the beach. Or not this year anyway.
When you think of all the opportunities out there its kinda crazy that this one in a 292 million chance makes everyone pause. And dream. For most part the dreams I hear spoken out loud even by strangers were simple. Pay off my debt. Help my family. Go on vacation. Donate to charity.
While $1.5 billion would make all of these dreams a reality in the blink of an eye there is no reason to stop dreaming for the things most of us want are not that far out of reach.
Pay off debt. A stack of bills can seem insurmountable but they aren't. Stop waiting to win the lottery to live free of the financial burdens that are weighing you down.
1. Create a budget and stick to it.
I highly recommend deleting any shopping apps that you have on your smart phone. Amazon one click to buy. DANGEROUS. Zulily... get rid of it. Those flash sales are so tempting. But honestly do your research they are not quite the bargain they appear to be. GROUPON. Gone. Don't splurge on offers that seem to good to be true. They are. And you don't need the juice cleanse that is 65% off. It is still gonna taste like shit and sit in your freezer with all the other diet regrets you have. Trust me.
Eliminate the temptations and start living with in your means. Simplifying your life and spending is with in your power and easier than you think. You just have to commit to it and remind yourself you are not Carrie Bradshaw.
2. Pay off your credit cards. Start with the one that carries the highest balance and go from there. Always pay more than the minimum. Consolidate if you have to. Got a bonus from work? Put it towards your debt. Good tax return? Put it towards your debt. Cash from Christmas? Your Birthday? PUT IT TOWARDS YOUR DEBT! Ugh no fun! No... no fun at all! But neither is debt. When it is all paid off you will feel great and be able to reward yourself for all the fun you didn't partake in. Just don't put it on the damn card... Have I taught you nothing ?!
Help my family. Truth is you won't know how many family members you have in need until you hit the powerball. Shit you won't know how many family members you HAVE until you hit the powerball. All the needy will come crawling out of the wood work and every other god forsaken crack and crevice that you never saw. The branches of that family tree will start to stretch far and wide. And is promised to be full of fruit. Fruit that has only produced nuts. Lots and lots of NUTS.
I know, I know you were talking about your immediate family. Your parents. Children. Those closest to you. But you can help them now.
Don't have a savings account for your kids? Start one today. It is as good a time as any. Don't have the cash to spare. Start with pennies. Literally. PENNIES! For each day of the year put that many pennies in a jar. Day one 1 cent. Day 2 two cents. Day 3 three cents. you get the idea. By the end of the year you will have saved $667.95 Do this for 15 years you will have $10,019.25! And that is if you just keep it in a jar with absolutely no interest. I know not the millions you had in mind... but hey 10k is a nice amount to have in the bank on your 18th birthday. And a heck of down payment on a car... and what kid doesn't want a car for his birthday?! Seriously at that age its close enough to hitting the lottery and will make you feel like a million bucks that you could do it for them.
Wanna help your parents? They don't want your money. They want your time. And you don't have to hit the lottery to pay them a visit.
Vacation. Who says you can't go on vacaction?! Okay maybe you can't go all out on a trip the costs 30k. But if you pay off that debt and start saving your pennies you most certainly can. And a nice one at that.
Wanna donate to charity? You can do that today! While it would be awesome to turn around and donate a million dollars to every deserving charity... the truth is if we all collectively gave a small amount when we had it we would be doing a great deal of good. Most charities don't rely on a one time grand gesture. They thrive on the people that give their constant support. They need your time as much as they need your cash.
Anyway my point is... life is what you make it. Hitting the lottery... taking home the jack pot would be amazing. Life changing at that. But don't wait for that one in a 292 million chance to change your life.. for the better. Get yourself out of debt. Pay your mom a visit. Start putting pennies in a jar. Go on that vacation. Adopt a dog from a shelter. Volunteer your time at a local charity. Start living your billion dollar dreams today. Nothing is stopping you from making them a reality.
When you think of all the opportunities out there its kinda crazy that this one in a 292 million chance makes everyone pause. And dream. For most part the dreams I hear spoken out loud even by strangers were simple. Pay off my debt. Help my family. Go on vacation. Donate to charity.
While $1.5 billion would make all of these dreams a reality in the blink of an eye there is no reason to stop dreaming for the things most of us want are not that far out of reach.
Pay off debt. A stack of bills can seem insurmountable but they aren't. Stop waiting to win the lottery to live free of the financial burdens that are weighing you down.
1. Create a budget and stick to it.
I highly recommend deleting any shopping apps that you have on your smart phone. Amazon one click to buy. DANGEROUS. Zulily... get rid of it. Those flash sales are so tempting. But honestly do your research they are not quite the bargain they appear to be. GROUPON. Gone. Don't splurge on offers that seem to good to be true. They are. And you don't need the juice cleanse that is 65% off. It is still gonna taste like shit and sit in your freezer with all the other diet regrets you have. Trust me.
Eliminate the temptations and start living with in your means. Simplifying your life and spending is with in your power and easier than you think. You just have to commit to it and remind yourself you are not Carrie Bradshaw.
2. Pay off your credit cards. Start with the one that carries the highest balance and go from there. Always pay more than the minimum. Consolidate if you have to. Got a bonus from work? Put it towards your debt. Good tax return? Put it towards your debt. Cash from Christmas? Your Birthday? PUT IT TOWARDS YOUR DEBT! Ugh no fun! No... no fun at all! But neither is debt. When it is all paid off you will feel great and be able to reward yourself for all the fun you didn't partake in. Just don't put it on the damn card... Have I taught you nothing ?!
Help my family. Truth is you won't know how many family members you have in need until you hit the powerball. Shit you won't know how many family members you HAVE until you hit the powerball. All the needy will come crawling out of the wood work and every other god forsaken crack and crevice that you never saw. The branches of that family tree will start to stretch far and wide. And is promised to be full of fruit. Fruit that has only produced nuts. Lots and lots of NUTS.
I know, I know you were talking about your immediate family. Your parents. Children. Those closest to you. But you can help them now.
Don't have a savings account for your kids? Start one today. It is as good a time as any. Don't have the cash to spare. Start with pennies. Literally. PENNIES! For each day of the year put that many pennies in a jar. Day one 1 cent. Day 2 two cents. Day 3 three cents. you get the idea. By the end of the year you will have saved $667.95 Do this for 15 years you will have $10,019.25! And that is if you just keep it in a jar with absolutely no interest. I know not the millions you had in mind... but hey 10k is a nice amount to have in the bank on your 18th birthday. And a heck of down payment on a car... and what kid doesn't want a car for his birthday?! Seriously at that age its close enough to hitting the lottery and will make you feel like a million bucks that you could do it for them.
Wanna help your parents? They don't want your money. They want your time. And you don't have to hit the lottery to pay them a visit.
Vacation. Who says you can't go on vacaction?! Okay maybe you can't go all out on a trip the costs 30k. But if you pay off that debt and start saving your pennies you most certainly can. And a nice one at that.
Wanna donate to charity? You can do that today! While it would be awesome to turn around and donate a million dollars to every deserving charity... the truth is if we all collectively gave a small amount when we had it we would be doing a great deal of good. Most charities don't rely on a one time grand gesture. They thrive on the people that give their constant support. They need your time as much as they need your cash.
Anyway my point is... life is what you make it. Hitting the lottery... taking home the jack pot would be amazing. Life changing at that. But don't wait for that one in a 292 million chance to change your life.. for the better. Get yourself out of debt. Pay your mom a visit. Start putting pennies in a jar. Go on that vacation. Adopt a dog from a shelter. Volunteer your time at a local charity. Start living your billion dollar dreams today. Nothing is stopping you from making them a reality.
Wednesday, January 6, 2016
New Year, New You... F%*@ YES!
To all the narcissistic Nancy's out there I will not let you rain on my resolution parade. I see your gym selfies, read your kale recipes, I get it... you have your shit together. You always have. I admire your resolve and the fact that you don't need a Monday or a New Year to get your skinny little ass in gear. You should be proud of the fact that you are fit. Organized. The same weight today that you were in your freshman year of high school. That a baby or age did not wreak absolute havoc on your body. I am happy for you. I really am. You deserve a cookie. A cookie that you won't eat. So I'll just keep my cookie (and most likely enjoy while you aren't looking)... but know the sentiment was there.
I get it too that your usually sparse fitness classes will now be filled with.. people like me. Over weight. Out of shape. Sweating before the 10 minute mark. I know your are hoping that you only have to look at my fat ass for the next month or so. Because that is typically how long New Year resolutions last. Quite honestly I hope to be standing next to you well after February 1st... of 2017 with a smaller ass.
I know that for you this is a way of life. It is a commitment you have made to yourself. Your family. And you live it. Breathe it. You own it. And I probably seem ridiculous... to you. Yes some of us come late to the table but it doesn't mean we have nothing to bring. So I am here to tell you... 2016 is going to be my bitch. New Year... New ME! Fuck YES!
And in all fairness I deserve a shot. I care about me too. And good lord do I wish that I had made a solid commitment to myself long before now... but I didn't. And no not because I am lazy. Or because I am a stay at home mom that has let herself go. No. I have just been really fucking busy... you know with life and making little humans. Turns out they are super needy and even an hour to hit the gym is a lot to ask.
Don't get me wrong I know that this is an uphill battle. And most people fail. Make the same resolution year after year and never get anywhere. But I am determined to make it work... make this year better than the last.
And to all those that are with me... all the ones that need a Monday or a New Year to get it together. I solute you. More importantly I support you. When you hit that rough patch in a month from now I will not say "told you so"... I will cheer you on. Lift you up. Remind you of why you started. I will encourage you to keep going. To always keep on going.
So stop mocking the New Year, New You people because quite honestly if you are... maybe you are the one that needs to reevaluate. Everyone can improve.. yes... even you Nancy... in your size 2 jeans.
Happy New Year! Have a resolution? Comment below I'd love to hear it
I get it too that your usually sparse fitness classes will now be filled with.. people like me. Over weight. Out of shape. Sweating before the 10 minute mark. I know your are hoping that you only have to look at my fat ass for the next month or so. Because that is typically how long New Year resolutions last. Quite honestly I hope to be standing next to you well after February 1st... of 2017 with a smaller ass.
I know that for you this is a way of life. It is a commitment you have made to yourself. Your family. And you live it. Breathe it. You own it. And I probably seem ridiculous... to you. Yes some of us come late to the table but it doesn't mean we have nothing to bring. So I am here to tell you... 2016 is going to be my bitch. New Year... New ME! Fuck YES!
And in all fairness I deserve a shot. I care about me too. And good lord do I wish that I had made a solid commitment to myself long before now... but I didn't. And no not because I am lazy. Or because I am a stay at home mom that has let herself go. No. I have just been really fucking busy... you know with life and making little humans. Turns out they are super needy and even an hour to hit the gym is a lot to ask.
Don't get me wrong I know that this is an uphill battle. And most people fail. Make the same resolution year after year and never get anywhere. But I am determined to make it work... make this year better than the last.
And to all those that are with me... all the ones that need a Monday or a New Year to get it together. I solute you. More importantly I support you. When you hit that rough patch in a month from now I will not say "told you so"... I will cheer you on. Lift you up. Remind you of why you started. I will encourage you to keep going. To always keep on going.
So stop mocking the New Year, New You people because quite honestly if you are... maybe you are the one that needs to reevaluate. Everyone can improve.. yes... even you Nancy... in your size 2 jeans.
Happy New Year! Have a resolution? Comment below I'd love to hear it
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)