Project Kindness...

Life is short. Often too short. It can be complicated and difficult. Overwhelming at times with things that might not even matter when it comes down to it. Every day there is a lot to do. A lot to take in. I don't watch the news anymore because the sadness that streams from my TV is just too much. I am very much a positive and optimistic person but often find myself wondering where is the good? The kindness? The humanity? It is easy for it to get lost in this age of information over load... but it is still there... I promise you. There are still people reaching out... trying to help... easing the burden that others carry.

I am not one those that believe everything happens for a reason. Not really at all. Good things happen to undeserving people and bad things happen to the most decent kind hearted souls... no rhyme or reason. An asshole will hit the lottery while someone possessing the qualities of Mother Theresa will go hungry in order to give to another. It just is the way it is. I do however believe that all the people we meet are put on our path for a purpose. Most we won't recognize immediately... if ever but I am sure that no encounter is by chance.

I also believe that kindness even one small act has the power to set off a chain reaction of infinite kindness. I believe that kindness in others is what inspires us to be kinder ourselves. Maybe that is why I am so inspired by Hayden's Heart. There are so many ungrateful unkind people... too many. So many that are too caught up in themselves to see what they could do for anyone else. Then there are people like Ady and Rob that have been through hell and back... they live with a an ache in their heart that most can't imagine... and yet they find it in themselves to devote their time to giving to others. If you ask them about their foundation they will tell you about Hayden of course because it all started with him and then about all of the families they have directly helped.  And I always wonder if they know really what an impact they have on others. I wonder if they are aware of just how much better the world is because of their work. How many people have consciously become more thoughtful, more generous, more kind because of their baby and what they do in his name. Visit www.haydensheart.blogspot.com to read more about Hayden and the foundation. It just might inspire you to do something good.

Through Hayden's Heart I learned of Xavier Ross and his heart story. And when you read stories about families with children the age of yours it is hard to not imagine yourself in their shoes... even though that is pretty impossible. I have no idea what it is like to have a child with CHD. I have never spent any length of time in the hospital with my kids. I can't imagine what it is like as a mom to have to divide your time between children because one is not well enough to come home. I can't even begin to comprehend the stress and worry she must feel over her sons health and the heart ache over missing time with her baby at home... or the million other stressors that accompany their current situation. I wanted to do something even if small.... just something. So I did the one thing I know how to and held a fundraiser that lasted only a few days. A raffle. $10 a spot for the chance to win a prize. I still can't believe that in less than a week just through Facebook... friends that don't even know the Ross family gave a total of $770.00 Each one that donated renewed my hope that people still are kind just for the sake of being kind. My friend Jeff who runs Secaucus Martial Arts Center gave me $50 alone and then said if I win just give extra money to the family you are collecting for I don't need the prize. Several other friends said the same. I just want everyone who gave to know that their kindness and generosity is so appreciated and it does make a difference.

At an event for Hayden's heart about two years ago I won a necklace which I shortly after lost when the chain broke and necklace came off with out my realizing. So I contacted the Lynn Seyler who had donated the necklace to see how I could get another one like it and after speaking to her we became friends. Since then Lynn gave birth to her sweet baby Cameron who was born premature. Which has lead her to start her own charity called Cameron's Care Packages which she uses to raise money in order to give care packages to families with premies in the NICU. They only need $535.00 more to fill all of the packages they want to donate on March 2nd. http://gofundme.com/ahbgwk is the link you can use if you would like to help them reach their goal.

Then there is my best friend Melissa who is crazy enough to shave her head in order to raise money for finding a cure to childhood cancers! Seriously she is shaving her head in a few days! Www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/743415/2015 is the link if you want to check it out.

So what is the point to all of this? There really is so much good in the world and I am especially thankful that I seem to surrounded by it. There are so many people I personally know doing remarkable things and I just want all of them to know how much they have all inspired me. Ady and Rob with their tireless dedication to helping others. Lynn who is just getting started with all of the amazing things I know she will be doing. Melissa who is always willing to help, give, or shave her head.

And it is not just all about how much financial help you can give... I am in awe of my friend Brianna who is currently carrying twins as a surrogate. Lacy who has opened her home to yet another baby that she is fostering not to mention the three girls she has adopted and that she has her hands full with a very active toddler.

Kindness does not always come in grand gestures either... it really is the little things... that we pass on... that we carry with us. The smile that brightens our day. The gentle hand that holds the door. The compliment that someone needed to hear. Kindness is not meant to squandered. Don't save it for another day. Give away as much as you can and you will see the world around you change right before your eyes. So I leave you with one last request check out Project Kindness Counts on Facebook and share your kindness maybe something you have done for some one else or a kindness shown to you... you never know who will read it and be moved to pay it forward.

The 72 sisters I have never met

I have 72 sisters that I have never met... kind of.... I'll explain.

We always hear about the mommy wars. There are hundreds maybe thousands of articles and blogs... oh the blogs go on literally forever about the formula feeder vs. the breast feeder. The pro vaxxers and the anti vaxxers. The great debate over whether circumcision is a parents right or a human rights issue. To co- sleep or cry it out. If natural birth gives you bragging rights over those that just couldn't go that route for what ever reason. We all stand somewhere and given an uncensored platform such as Facebook it is not unlikely for an innocent request for advice from some unsuspecting mom new to game to be the fuel that reignites the fire that will turn the "gentle" parent into a venom spewing monster.

Us moms we know it all... until we don't. And at some point we will all find our selves in unfamiliar territory even if it is our third baby. In March of 2013 I found myself there. Unfamiliar territory. I had a miscarriage a few months before. And although I held that too tiny baby in the palm of my hand I could not escape the feeling of being pregnant. I thought my mind and hormones were messing with me. I kept saying to my husband this is a night mare I know I can not be pregnant but why do I still feel like I AM! I called the doctor (several times) and he assured it was just left over hormones and everything would return to normal in no time. But it didn't. Convinced that my pregnancy symptoms were not just wishful thinking I took another test... and with in seconds... +! Oh. My. God. A positive pregnancy test. Could it be?

I called the doctor again... I am sure driving him as nuts as I felt. My excitement came to screeching halt when I heard him say... I assure it is left over hormones. Come in for a blood test and we will see what is going on." And so I went in. And then I waited. They love to make you wait. The phone finally rang and all they could tell me was that I needed another blood test. So I went in. And then I waited. A few hours later the doctor himself called and said "meet me at the hospital as soon as possible. You need an ultrasound and possibly a D&C... like today." Not at all what I was expecting or hoping to hear. I left Seark with my father in law and rushed to the hospital.

The technician did my ultra sound in complete silence. And then I waited. The doctor came in and turned the screen towards me and there he was. The silence made me apprehensive. I didn't know what to think... was there something wrong? Would this pregnancy end just like the last one? I listened to the dr and nurse discuss the uncertainty and question the viability... and all I could do was... tune them out and pray. Dear God... let this be ok. Just this one time let this be ok. I cant take any more heart ache so please just let this baby stay.

I went home. Unsure if I had happy or sad new to share. And I would have to wait over a week find out. I went in 10 days later for another ultrasound and more blood work. And then again. Finally I heard what I was I was dying to be told... "I don't know how it is possible but it seems you are about 13 weeks along with a healthy baby... boy.

I was over joyed and absolutely terrified. Pregnancy after loss feels different. Scary. I wanted to talk to women that could relate. Someone that had been here before. Someone who was gonna say "its gonna be okay." Because it had been for them. So I went on the "Baby Bump" app on my phone... cause well they have a group for just about every situation. If you want to witness the mommy wars at their finest join one of them. Complete anonymity + a surge in hormones + hot topics= a bunch of mean girls with  absolutely no restraint. Name calling... snap judgments... insults galore.

With no expecting friends at the time... and all the pregnancy forum apps proving to be a waste of time and patience I started the Facebook group called October Mommies. A group only for women expecting a baby in October of 2013. With in days there were over 200 members! Of course in a group that large... composed of highly emotional women from all walks of life there is bound to be conflicting personalities and differences of opinions. So the rules were made clear... if you couldn't play nice you couldn't stay. For awhile it seemed like it would never work. Maybe women in general are just not nice to one another.

Over time conflicts grew and group dwindled... but what remained... I wouldn't even know what else to call these girls except for the 72 sisters I have never met.

We range in age from barely 20 to nearing 40. For many they are experiencing the joys of mother hood for the first time and other like me are on their 3rd baby... or 4th, 5th, 6th, even 7th! There are moms on opposite sides of the country and even the world. Of the 50 states we have moms in 24 of them. A handful in California, New Jersey and anywhere in between. Some reside in Canada. One in England. 2 in Australia and 1 in New Zealand! And the best thing about that is with the different time zones... there is always someone available to talk to... when I am up at 2 am feeding Ry and wondering what that strange rash is he suddenly has 9 times out of 10 I can post in the group and get an almost immediate response from someone that is just preparing dinner in another part of the world.

The group is about even with the ratio of stay at home moms and working moms. And their  professions vary. There is Jessica who operates and directs her own daycare & pre school that she started up shortly after her first baby Luke was born. Alyssa who is a social worker interviewing and assessing families that are applying to adopt or foster a child. Laci who is a foster mom. She has opened her home to 116 children in need. Adopting 3 girls. And finally giving birth to her first born son Levi... who is one of our October babies. I have to say there is no competition between the working moms and the stay at home moms. In this group we get it that we are all in it together... doing our best. Whatever that means for our family.

There are a handful of military wives and those that have served themselves. They have been a privilege to get to know. It is easy to forget how much some sacrifice on a daily basis for the simple freedoms we enjoy everyday. I am amazed by these women that hold it down at home while the one they love is out there... in harms way... It is impossible to not admire their strength, their love and loyalty. They share with us their everyday struggles and let us be a part of their joy when their family is back together again.

We have shared everything and I mean everything.... we have shared pictures of our growing bellies and the babies that were inside them. Commiserated about the abundance of stretch marks and lack sex. Shared the very personal and private details of our lives that lead us to where we are in this very moment.

Since the group formed in the early stages of pregnancy we have literally been there for each other through it all. We were all there to pray when our first October baby decided October was too far away. Sky'ler Marie made her unexpected way into the world in the early hours of the morning on June 19th. I still remember her mom posting in the group that she had been born. I had never known a baby born so early or so tiny or so beautiful.

Just a few weeks later another impatient October baby was here. A world away in New Zealand  Marley was born on July 30th. And again as a group we prayed. And by the grace of God our prayers were heard and our very early October babies defied the odds.

As the summer came to an end we all were getting anxious to have the rest of our babies here. By the end of September it seemed like every other day there was a new baby, a new life to be celebrated on my Facebook news feed. Some days brought more than one joyful announcement. Our group wall was flooded with pictures of exhausted moms, proud dads, and breathtakingly beautiful babies... so many beautiful babies. It was overwhelming. So much joy... shared. So many blessings... shared. So many new beginnings. So many happy tears.

So we went from sharing sonogram pictures to new born photos. The early bonds that were formed became stronger by the day. We checked in daily to exchange the details of our lives that were turned upside down. Funny stories about the antics of jealous siblings and venting about obnoxious in laws. Some one was always there to answer a question whether it be about breastfeeding or is this normal? We have been there to hold each other up when it felt like everything else was falling apart. With encouraging words during hard time. And laughter and love in the good times. If you ask any of the girls what this group has meant to them they will tell you... Support. Sisterhood. Friendship. It is so much more than a Facebook group... our lives have become so intertwined all because of these tiny miracles that have brought us together.

I have 72 sisters... most I have never met. They are diverse. From different cultures and backgrounds. Bring different things to the table and I wouldn't know what to do with out them.

you and your make up selfies

Some people like to post make up selfies like others brag about their kids! Don't like it... keep scrolling. (or something to that effect)

You ever scroll past a Facebook post that you know was directed at you? Well clearly it happened to me and I have to say I was pissed for like a second.... okay maybe 30... seconds. And then I was like well its true. I post "make up selfies" more than I guess at least one person in particular likes to see. And certainly more than I brag about my kids. Don't get the wrong idea I love my kids and they are fucking brilliant little geniuses that are gonna rule the world one day (this prediction is totally based on how well he is doing in second grade of course) ... or maybe they won't ... either way THEY ARE NOT ON FACEBOOK! And while I would love to believe that all of my Facebook friends are dying to hear about how I have produced stellar off spring that will most likely have the highest scores anyone has ever seen on the SAT's its just not the case. Nonetheless every time a school semester ends and report cards get sent home my news feed gets flooded with the same status update from every honor role child's parents.... "we are so proud of little Billy. All straight A's" and then all of the other parents with similar posts comment "way to go little so and so" on each other's statuses. Truthfully no one gives a shit. No one gives a shit about your kids A just like no one gives a shit about my kids F.

Yup that's right an F! and in this house F stands for Fantastic so our kids basically did the same. Yours just got a different letter on that paper they sent home... and ya know what last marking period my kid did actually get straight A's and I still didn't brag about it... know why? Cause NOBODY CARES! I mean except of course you and you should care. But I don't... I'm sorry.

So her post may have been in response to something I posted along the lines of what I already stated here.... but much milder... and wasn't directed at any one particular person. Our district wasn't even the only one to get report cards that week.... whatever the case my face is out of her news feed now and her bragging is not in mine anymore.

But it did make me pause and think how many friends well "Facebook friends"  do I have that are rolling their eyes every time one of my make up selfies comes up in their news feed?! And then I realized I don't care. It could be worse I could be filling up your feed with my kids test scores.

So anyway all of this petty nonsense got me to thinking about how social media makes it so much easier to be an asshole. I mean would this person that I rarely speak to in person have ever actually said something to my face about how my pictures annoy her? Or is it just that much easier to say what's on your mind no matter how rude when you are behind the screen of your computer or iPhone or whatever it is you use? Combined we have 600 friends that could read what she wrote.... if we were in a room of 600 people would she have gone out of her way to announce to all of them exactly what she thought of me? I doubt it... but you never know.

I read something in another article that asked the question "is social media making us rude or just giving us a platform to show our true colors?" Another article claimed that social media "facilitates meanness " because there is no immediate if any real consequence for the mean things you say on line. If you have been on Facebook you have certainly seen some of what I am talking about.... so what does this mean? Its a little scary to think about all of the future generations that don't know a life with out Facebook... a time when words really meant something and you were taught to think before you speak.

BTW the picture here is a make up selfie... more specifically my " is she talking about me" make up selfie face.

Go home mother nature... your drunk!

Jersey. The state that endures a little bit of every season. Fall is my personal favorite. Cool crisp air. Warm sun. Pumpkin Spice lattés and the changing color of leaves painting every street. Summer... not so bad. It can be hot humid and downright disgusting but there is the timeless Jersey shore. Beautiful beaches and boardwalk fun. Spring brings warm days and cool nights. Long walks and hours at the park. But then there is Winter. And Winter in Jersey just plain sucks. December 21 st-March 21st are my three most dreaded months.

I swear I have seasonal depression. And it starts the week before Christmas. I dread the new year. The cold. The darkness. The perpetual grey skies. Snow. The frigid air. Winter coats. I hate it all. Absolutely all of it. Not to mention it is the season of the stomach virus and every other nasty bug that one of the kids will be sure to bring home and share with everyone they come in contact with.

Hating the cold and being a germaphobe... I tend to hibernate... for the entire winter. Like a mama bear with her cubs. Well kinda... bears bulk up and then sleep the winter away and quite honestly I don't blame them. I'd love it if someone could just wake me up when it is over. I hibernate in the sense that I do not leave the house and spend much of the winter getting fat and being lethargic. Sounds like fun? Its really not.

It is in these cold winter months that I have discovered cabin fever is a real thing. I am in the house so much I feel physically ill looking at these same walls day after day. I pride myself on being a hands on mom. Until mid February when we have done every craft, baked and eaten every cookie, put together 9,000 puzzles, covered the refrigerator in sloppy art work, at which point I give up and let the boys stare at the TV for hours on end or even worse play video games until they can't see straight. I know shame on me... but at this point my main concern is keeping my sanity intact.

I decided that I would start exercising for an hour everyday to make up for the somewhat sedentary life I am beginning to get accustomed to... I mean for god sake I don't even go out for groceries anymore. (because shop rite delivers not because I am starving the kids) I figure that while Aidan is at school and the baby is napping the least I can do is a quick work out video and a little time on the elliptical that I stare at everyday thinking I should really use that thing. Seark my easiest child is the only that needs to be entertained during this time and usually "the triple nugget" episode of Sheriff Cali will do it. Seark for the most part is a boy of very few words. He could spend all day in the same room with you and do nothing but cuddle. Of course As soon as I get on the elliptical he goes from Silent Seark to chatty Kathy.

Mom what is that thing your on called.
(It has been in the same spot for months and he has never once asked)
An elliptical machine
Why is it called that?
I don't really know it just is.
What does it say on the screen?
The numbers are your heart rate and how many calories you have burned.
What are calories?
Ummmmm the things that make you fat... you work out to burn them so you don't stay fat.
(good enough right? He's 3 he doesn't need the scientific explanation of a calorie)
Mom your not fat you can keep your calories.
Well mommy is fatter than she would like so....
But mom its only cause you have a baby in your belly.
No Seark there is no baby in my belly.
Yes there is... my baby brother.
No your baby brother is up stairs sleeping in the crib. He is already here... for like a year!
Oh then you better stay on that thing.

Awesome. I am exhausted. Depressed. Suffering from cabin fever and being insulted by my 3 year old. Seriously... Go home mother nature... your drunk! And I need to get out of this house before I lose my mind!

HAYDEN... THE HUMAN HEART... AND SEVENLY

Having a baby is THE most exciting wonderfully terrifying emotional roller coaster a woman will ever be on. 9 months of all the joy and fear you never knew you could feel centered around all the hopes and dreams you have developing into that little bundle that will be your everything. Ask any mom about the defining moments of her pregnancy... of her life and she will most likely tell you about the first time she heard the sweet muffled rhythmic beat of her babies heart.

The beat of a heart... the beginning of life itself. At a mere 18 days after conception... before anything else... a very basic heart begins to beat. Looking like nothing more than a flicker on a screen. Life has begun. It is the confirmation we desperately seek after seeing those positive lines on a pregnancy test that indeed our dreams are about to come true. It is where the journey begins. The bond between a mother and her child. The love. The inexplicable connectedness. Forever intertwined... and it all started with the beat of a heart.

September 16, 2011 my friend Ady first heard her baby Hayden's heart beat. The human heart  is nothing short of amazing. I mean really amazing. Did you know that in an average life span the heart will beat 2.5 billion times... 2.5 BILLION. The heart is the single hardest working muscle in the body... supplying blood to almost all of the body's 75 trillion cells. That sound... you know the thump thump sound you hear when you listen to the heart that is actually the four chambers of the heart at work. So what if you only have 2 chambers working the way they should?

Half way through the pregnancy with Hayden at a visit where you normally find out the big news... if its a boy or a girl... Ady learned that Hayden had something called Hypoplastic left heart syndrome. Essentially a small underdeveloped left side of the heart.

 Ady and her husband Rob turned their lives upside down researching, learning, and seeking out the best possible care for their baby with half a heart. Ready to fight right along side their warrior and give him the absolute best of everything. Modern medicine and the discoveries made trough technological advances are no doubt a mind blowing god send but when it comes to the matters of the heart... well we have all heard about the power of prayer. And so the Facebook "Prayer page for baby Hayden" was created. And if prayer alone could work a miracle Hayden would have most certainly gotten his. Thousands of people started following his journey... and praying for sweet Hayden.

On 3/12/12 Hayden Jeter Dorsett made his way into the world. Fiery red hair. The definition of baby blue eyes. 8 pounds 1 ounce of pure heavenly sweetness. Only 4 days later he headed in for his first open heart surgery. Thousands of people praying. Waiting for updates. Reading about his life... his journey... his heart. As time passed thousands of people continued to pray, watch Hayden grow, and who could help but fall in love. See that is Hayden the affect. You could not help but fall in love. His smile contagious. His eyes magnetic. His story... took hold of your heart. His purpose... bigger than anyone could imagine.

Hayden Jeter Dorsett 3/12/12 - 8/16/12 the Facebook update that would make 20,000 + hearts ache. The heart that touched so many stopped beating. But that is not where the story of Hayden's Heart ends.... not even close. With shattered hearts Ady and Rob started the foundation that is their sons legacy. Hayden's Heart Inc.

Each year over 1 million babies world wide are born with some form of CHD (congenital heart disease) Of those 1 million... 100,000 will not live to see their first birthday. More than 50% percent of these babies will require at least 1 invasive heart surgery in their life time. The cost of which is astronomical. In patient surgery to repair CHD exceeds 2 billion dollars a year.

The mission of Hayden's Heart Inc. is simple... spread CHD awareness... help ease the financial burden for other heart families... keep the memory of Hayden alive. In 2 short years the foundation has raised over $100,000 and financially helped over 20 families. They also send care packages to the cardiac unit at CHOP the place where Hayden's life began. Grieving hearts is another branch of the Hayden's Heart Inc. that sends care packages to other heart families who have also lost their heart warriors.

The heart is truly amazing. Amazing how one heart could touch so many. Amazing how with broken hearts his mom and dad could help so many others. Hayden's Heart was on a mission... in 5 months and 4 days on this earth his little heart generated more love that most can imagine. His life, his heart, has inspired so much needed goodness in this world and will continue to do so. The foundation that is his legacy has already done so much... and it all started with the beat of a heart. Hayden's heart...

This week is CHD Awareness week and Hayden's Heart Inc. has been chosen to partner with the company Sevenly. For every purchase made through their site this week $7 will be donated to Hayden's Heart Inc. Please head over to www.Sevenly.org . Shop for a cause. Spread some CHD awareness. Be a part Hayden's Heart <3

You can read more about Hayden at haydensheart.BlogSpot.com
or visit haydensheart.org

you can also find out about all upcoming events and fundraisers on Facebook through the Hayden's Heart Page.

and don't forget to check out www.sevenly.org and support the Hayden's Heart campaign taking place this week!