Tonight was like any other. The craziness that ensues trying to get the kids bathed and ready for bed. Scrambling around the house to make sure their back packs are packed and their lunches and snacks are ready for the next day. Clearing the dinner table and cleaning the kitchen disaster. And then it happened. The dish washer was loaded. The counters all cleaned. My husband said to me... Can I turn on the dishwasher and I replied... What does that even mean? Would you like me to help you press the button? Thankfully he has a sense of humor and also speaks fluent sarcasm. But tonight instead of snapping back with something witty and equally sarcastic he said no I am asking because before you almost had a heart attack that I turned the dishwasher on before you were ready.
Honestly it sounded so ridiculous coming out of his mouth we both started to laugh. The thing is...its not really funny. Earlier in the day I was going to make dinner. I like to put the dishes in the dishwasher immediately after I use them. I couldn't because the dishwasher was already running. Instead of thanking my husband for cleaning up lunch and breakfast and doing the dishes I SNAPPED at him. WHY IS THE DISHWASHER ON?! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THAT?! NOW ALL THESE DISHES ARE GONNA SIT IN THE SINK!!! (god forbid that happened) SERIOUSLY YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE THAT!!! AND THE DISWASHER WAS NOT EVEN FULL. ITS BASICALLY A WASTE OF 2 HOURS AND TWICE THE WORK. SO THANKS FOR THAT!
In the moment I was really annoyed! I did not give one thought to what a bitch I was being. I felt justified. And totally aggravated as I put the pots and pans in the sink. So this is the part where I have that moment that I say to myself... LIKE WOAH YOU NEED TO TONE IT DOWN. That level of petty bitchiness is so uncalled for! And if the shoe was on the other foot things would have went down totally different. But they didn't... because he doesn't talk to me like that.
Of course then to make matters worse when he DOES ask if he can turn on the dishwasher to make sure that's what I want I talked to him like he was... well an idiot. That's tough to even type. Because I do not think that of my husband at all and I am almost embarrassed that I did talk to him that way on both occasions.
So, time for a little self reflection. Time to take a good look in the mirror and admit this is not me at my best. He deserves better than the bat shit crazy wife that loses it over the freaking dishwasher!
It is so easy to get caught up and burnt out by all the every day stuff! I've been a little over worked and a lot over tired. So this was the reality check I needed. Stop sweating the small stuff! The next time my husband does something nice for me (no matter how little help or how much hindrance it actually was) I am going to take a deep breath and thank him (while I silently have a mental breakdown).
Really its the least I could do.
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