Being a mom is so hard...

For as long as I can remember I knew I wanted to be a mom. I wanted babies. Just like the dolls that I had as a child I couldn't wait to dress them up in their cute little clothes and rock them in my arms. I of course knew that being a mom was more than that but I didn't know how much more. You have already heard a million times the resume of a mom so we can skip the daily rituals and routines that life with three boys consists of. Although if you are not aware and think it is easy I would like to invite you over for a weekend to try it. For that matter I extend that invitation to my husband also. 

Being a mom is hard. And not for the reasons you think I'm gonna say. I am sure you have heard that having a baby changes every thing. It does. For a mom bringing a baby into the world is life changing. It doesn't just change your sleep pattern and the amount of free time you will never have again. It changes who you are. For one you realize that your are capable of the impossible. For a moment you are David Blaine. Even you will wonder if you really just pushed a human out of your very tiny vagina or if you are in fact you are an illusionist. I warn you don't take a mirror and look down there to try to figure what just happened. You will be scarred for life if you do. Some magic tricks are meant to remain a mystery. 

A baby will change the way you see the person you made him/her with. In the first few days after giving birth, together you will gaze at that tiny miracle that is equal parts of you both and discover a higher love for one another. Suddenly the science of genetics will be more fascinating than you ever imagined and you will spend an infinite amount of time trying to determine how each piece of that little one fits  into your inherited make up or that of your  significant other. That wonder and awe will shift in the weeks to come. If your lucky months. Soon you will be in awe of how clueless your partner can be. Becoming a mom makes you a 24 hour a day care giver. A responsibility you will happily assume. Until exhaustion sets in and all you want is one hour. Just one hour of solid uninterrupted not oh wait is that the baby crying sleep. Surely that is not too much to ask after all its been six weeks and you haven't asked yet. Only to find out dad has no clue what to do with your little bundle of joy if you are not supervising. 

But more than any of that being a mom is hard because it's not anything you think you signed up for. Mom's don't bring babies into the world. What they bring into the world is an extension of them self in the physical form of a tiny being. Mom's bring into the world a love they grew inside of them. A love that is now part of who they are. They give to the world the greatest gift and at the same time make the biggest personal sacrifice... sharing that piece of who they are with everyone else knowing how vulnerable that makes them. 

Being a mom is hard because with out voluntarily doing so you are inducted to the oldest sorority in the world. "mama beta be ready" You will be hazed, mocked, and judged by some of the senior members. Some will be quick to tell you what you are doing wrong without offering any advice on how to do it right. At times the uncertainty will be overwhelming. Don't worry that will change. You will find someone willing to show you the ropes. If your are lucky like me it will be your own mother. At some point you will realize you fit right in. You have an unspoken bond with everyone else in this mommyhood club. A bond so strong it will make you weep for children you don't know because you understand the heart of their mother even if you never met her. At times this can be overwhelming too. The loss of someone else's child even if it be a world away will break your heart and hand you an unsettling realization about just how fragile this thing called life actually is. 

Being a mom is hard because you feel everything that your child feels... times ten. It will bring you back to unpleasant times in your own life. Times that even though you made it through and you know your baby will too feel like they may kill you because reliving your own pain and feeling theirs is just too much. The fact that you can't protect them from everything feels like it will break it you. It won't. If you don't let it. You have to be the light at the end of their tunnel until they can see it on their own. In the mean time you will learn to put up with the abuse they inflict upon you until they work that shit it out. Despite doing everything right and always having their best interest be prepared to wear the name tag that says "worst mother ever".

Being a mom is even harder if you have more than one child because you won't be the same mom to both of them. Each one of your kids will be different in personality, and capabilities. In order for them to be well adjusted you too will have to adjust. Constantly switching gears can be exhausting but parenting is not universal. Don't accept advice as gospel and don't turn it away because you think you know better. It's like being the ring leader in the circus. You can't tame the lions with the same technique you used to teach the monkey's to juggle. It's not easy but you will figure it our after you make a million mistakes. 

Being a mom is so hard there should be more than one day a year set aside for us. But there isn't and that is because as hard as it is.... it's amazing. It's rewarding in ways that are not measurable. Being a mom is knowing there is a purpose to the world we live. It is faith in miracles. Because after all it is pretty miraculous that we get to experience this all consuming, life changing, one of a kind LOVE every day. Happy Mother's Day today and everyday.