The mistakes we make.

The mistakes I have made since becoming a mom are too many too count. None so serious that they were not fixable (thank god). For a very long time I thought that Aidan was going to be an only child. I wanted to give him everything. All of my time. Attention. Love. Those things came naturally and were easily given. Beyond that I wanted him to have everything that he wanted. From what he wanted to do for the day to what he wanted for dinner. Nothing was off limits. No matter how extravagant. This went for material things too. Not because I was under the impression that I could or should buy his happiness but simply because I wanted to give him the world. Whatever that meant. I thought this made me a good mom. My intentions were good. My heart in the right place.

Have you ever heard the saying "the road to hell is paved with good intentions"? Well that sounds about right. We were headed to hell and I didn't even know it. My good intentions we not doing either one of us any good. I was spent. Exhausted. All of the time. Trying to out do the previous day trip, meal, toy. I couldn't keep up with myself. I couldn't keep up with what I was teaching my own son to expect on a daily basis. I set out to give him the world and in turn I was giving him a misguided idea of what the world is. Having a child that believes his every whim must be met. His every want catered to. Basically creates a monster. I created a monster. Not in a day. Over years. Over the span of 5 years I tried so hard to give him everything that nothing seemed special.

I had become the mother I didn't want to be. Creating a monster instead of raising a child. I knew I was making mistakes. I beat myself up over them. Until I realized its not about the mistakes. Its about what we do to when we realize we are making them.

Things needed to change. Drastically. Immediately. But how? How could I undo what I had done? was it even possible. Of course it was. It wasn't going to be easy or fun but it would be worth it.

Aidan by now owned an ipod, ipad, xbox, wii U, Nintendo DS, and much more. He "loved" his video games. So much it was hard to tear him away from them. And when I did he would throw crazy tantrums. TV was another cause for meltdowns. Aidan would lose his mind if he couldn't watch what he wanted when he wanted. Forget taking him even food shopping. You couldn't get out of the store with out buying him something. Anything. And if you didn't you better make sure you were near an exit. Why was he behaving so badly? Because no was a foreign word and when he started hearing it he just couldn't deal.

And so we went back to basics. What does my son NEED to be happy?

1. My son needs me to be his parent not his friend. There is even a difference between being a mom and being a parent. I was mom by default. "parenting is the process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. Parenting refers to the aspects of raising a child biological relationship aside." Parenting is a process. A process that requires a mother to learn and grow from her mistakes. A process that requires learning to say no. It is a process. And there are no shortcuts.

2. Love. Not just any kind of love. Genuine, unconditional love. A love that is patient and kind. A love that grows with each smile, hug, milestone, passing day. Love in action. In the words I speak to him. In the things I do with him. Love that knows no bounds.

3. To be heard. He needs to know that he can talk to me about anything. Big or small. And that I will hear him. He needs me to pay attention to him. To his feelings. To what makes him tick.

4. Safety. My sons needs to feel safe. Our home has to be his safe haven. The place where he can be who he wants to be. Who he truly is. With out any fear of judgment.

5. Play. He needs to play. Be silly. Have fun. He needs to be a kid. Play that requires him to exercise his mind and his imagination.

6. Tools. He needs me to give him the tools required to make his way through the world. He needs tools for independence and problem solving. He needs to be told no and learn how to deal with that without having a meltdown.

7. Confidence. Confidence that will be gained by praise for a job well done. Smiles when I look at him. Hugs when he needs me. Confident that he can do it on his own. Confident that I will always be there to cheer him on when he can't.

8. Fresh air. He needs to be outside to play, to dig, to experience the world. Fresh air to grow.

9. Responsibility. In the form of a dog. Every boy needs a dog. Chores are great for teaching responsibility. A dog is even better. "give a boy a dog and you have furnished him a playmate". If he is responsible in taking care of his furry friend he will also learn a great deal about loyalty.

10. My son needs me. Just me. Not perfect me. Not super mom me. Just me. He needs me to be present. To learn and grow with him. He needs me to know when I have made a mistake and that where we go from there is what is important.

Not one of these things can be bought. Played in the form of a video game. Watched on a TV show. So we got rid of all of them and went back to basics. It wasn't easy but it was worth it. Aidan never needed everything just to be my everything. He is... my everything. He always will be. And because of that I set limits, say no, and only give him what he needs. He is happier for it and so am I.