Rocking Ry

Everyone has their favorite thing to do with their baby. For how different all of my boys are you would think my favorite thing to do with them as a baby would vary just as much. Not one bit. Each of them, all of them, equally, my favorite thing has been to rock them to sleep.

Aidan had the most perfect, serene nursery. When ever he was fussy I would sit in the over sized rocker/glider that we bought just for him and rock. For hours. I would often fall asleep in the chair. So comfortable and content with this sleeping baby on my chest. I always loved that moment right before Aidan would fall asleep. When his whole body would relax. So much it felt like he would just melted into you. Like sunshine on a warm summer day.

Snuggling a baby. Smelling their sweet scent. Stroking their soft hair. Intoxicating. At the time it feels like that high will be so fresh in your mind. Forever. It is amazing how fast they grow. How fast you forget.

I remember holding Seark for the first time. Everything I had felt with Aidan came rushing back. Once again undeniably intoxicating. I wanted to just breathe every bit of him in. Soak up his sweetness. And I did. I sat night after night rocking Seark in that same chair. Holding onto Seark and every moment. Wishing for time to slow down. Knowing that our days of silent snuggles were numbered.

That chair over the years became a stunt prop in the boys toy room. They would stand on the gliding ottoman and pretend to surf. Jump on the chair and flip over the back. Run into it head first and send it flying into the wall. They basically destroyed it. We had to throw it out before one of them broke their neck on it.

Then I had Rylan. And no chair. I thought to myself I don't need another rocking chair. We have a decorative chair in the bedroom. It doesn't rock but it will do. I can sit and snuggle him there. Not the same. For most a rocking chair is a dust collector. A space waster. For me a necessity. Thankfully my mother had one that she was willing to part with. Rylan has been sick all week. He's been extra mushy. Needing more cuddles than normal. Which works for me. Tonight I spent more than three hours rocking Ry. Running my fingers through his baby silk barely there hair. Kissing his warm rosy cheeks. Staring at his perfect peaceful face. He hasn't slept well since the fever started on Wednesday. Tonight he slept with out stirring. Laying across my chest while I rocked him until we both fell asleep. I woke up and realized how much time had passed. More than three hours. And yet I found myself not wanting to let him go. I rock Ry every night. It is the only time I have with just him. I look forward to it. Tonight I just didn't want it to end. I know our nights in this chair are numbered. And I don't want them to end. I don't want to come down from this high. Not yet. Not ever.