I just want to sleep

I just want to sleep. Soundly. Uninterrupted. No one else in my bed. No phantom baby cries. Sleep. I don't think that I have really slept in 7 years. Yes I have gotten sleep. A little bit every night. But I wanna sleep the way I slept when I was in college. Sleep until it is time for lunch. Sleep with out getting up to pee 3 times because my bladder is shot from having all these kids. I just want like one good night sleep once every six months.

Before my kids. Before Aidan. Over 7 years ago I was the queen of sleep. My whole life I have loved to stay up all night and sleep all day. Everyone told me when I was pregnant get your rest now you will need it for when the baby comes. Almost implying if you could just sleep an adequate amount now you will save up the energy for a later date to make up for the lack of sleep you will encounter once the baby comes. Not true. I slept. Like the dead. I will not dare say like a baby because whoever said that did not have a baby... babies NEVER sleep! EVER. And once you have a baby you never get sleep either. Like a kid at a sleep over you get to rest your eyes. 

Sleep when the kids sleep. Sure. Even if all my kids went to bed and slept the same duration of time there are things that I would like to do while I have a little while to myself. By a little while to myself I mean time to clean up the toys. Do the dishes. Start the laundry. Possibly shower and or pee alone. Time to think. Think about adult things like grocery shopping and if I paid all the bills. Ugh the bills. Who can keep track of those things anyway. I sure can't. In fact last week my sleep deprived brain went on a bill paying sabbatical. For the first time ever I forgot to pay the property taxes for our house. The car payment. The mortgage. I forgot to pay them all!!! Who does that?! A mom of three boys and two dogs running on very little sleep. That's who. 

By the time I finish every thing that is easier to do when everyone else is getting in their fair share of sleep I sit down to watch TV. TV with out the kids. The only hour that I get to watch something other than Disney or Nick Jr. Who am I kidding by the time I get situated on the couch with my sleepy time tea and realize the remote is still on the fire place... I am just too tired to even think about getting up to get it. Ya know what Doc McStuffins ain't so bad and right after that is Dog with a Blog. Dog with a Blog has real people in it so it is practically an adult show and a dog that can blog is right up my alley. There probably isn't anything good on anyway. I am going to have to pee in 10 minutes so I will just the remote and change the channel then. Oh yeah I do have stuff on my DVR to watch. Mostly lame lifetime movies. I will watch a lifetime movie. And now it is 2am. 2am?!?! shit. I might as well just stay up until 3 and feed Rylan so I can just go to sleep when I get in bed. 3:30am finally going to bed. I have to get up in 3 1/2 hours. Did I lock the door? Maybe I should go check. No I locked it. Or did I? Oh god I'm not getting to sleep tonight until I check the stupid lock. Even if someone were gonna rob us they probably got tired of waiting for me to go to bed and at this point it is needless to lock the door. That is how almost every night goes. 

Even on the nights that I do go to bed at a decent time I don't sleep soundly. I hear every noise especially if it is one of my kids. If someone gets sick in the middle of the night some how I hear it loud and clear while my husband snores through the commotion. I want to sleep like him. He can sleep through cries, kids crawling on him in the bed, pretty much anything. The only thing that wakes him up is if you pinch his nose mid snore... ask me how I know. 

Then there are the rare times like yesterday that your sleep wish is granted. The baby went down for his nap. Seark asked to watch "The Nut Job" and I started to write. I was struggling to keep my eyes open when Seark said mommy lay down with me. I thought about all the things that I needed to do but what's a few minutes snuggling on the couch? Before I knew it 3 hours had passed! 3 hours!!! Granted I was on the couch with Seark's head on my chest and 2 dogs on my feet. I couldn't feel my legs. My shirt was soaked with toddler drool. My contacts were dried to my eyes making impossible to see for a few seconds. I was completely disoriented. And then panic set in. WHAT TIME IS IT? AM I LATE TO GET AIDAN? IS RYLAN STILL SLEEPING? Everything was fine my body was just in shock because... I SLEPT! Better than I have in such a long time! I woke up feeling surprisingly.... MORE TIRED?! What the hell?! But you can't catch up on 7 sleep deprived years in one afternoon.