passing on playdates

I have three kids. Three. One. Two. Three kids. I have enough kids of my own that I don't really want to be watching anyone else's kids. Aidan on the other hand wants to invite the entire neighborhood over nearly everyday. I have the no friends on school nights policy so that helps. But sure enough Wednesday rolls around and he starts talking about who he might want to have over on Friday. I cringe at some of the names. Aidan has only a very small handful of friends that I actually like. And only maybe two of those friends that are a pleasure to have over. The rest I hear their names and I cringe and try to talk him into the kids that I know are safe.

Playdates at my house can go one of two ways. Fantastic or F*cking horrible. Playdates are fantastic if the kids get along. Aidan has one friend in particular every time he comes over they have a fantastic time. They never fight or argue. I don't have to play referee. This other kid gets along and likes to play with Seark as well which is rare since Seark is quite a bit younger. He says please and thank you. Eats whatever we have for dinner with no complaints and since he usually comes on a Friday it is almost always pizza which is probably why he is so agreeable. Nonetheless he is a pleasure and sometimes I am actually bummed if this kid is busy or has other plans because when he is over Aidan is also a pleasure. Then there is the f*cking horrible. And we have had a few of those. What could make a playdate horrible? When you hear (through the baby monitor) your sons new friend say "let's break all of your brothers toys and make him cry". Or when your kid and the other kid can not agree on a single thing and they fight until you decide to end the "playing" by calling his mother to come get him. Most of the time the horrible playdates stem from the fact that 7 year old boys do not want to play with 3 year old boys. This is something that Seark does not understand and so he is pretty persistent in trying to play with Aidan and whoever is over. Sometimes Aidan gets away with letting Seark think that he is playing with them by giving him a controller for whatever game system they are using minus the batteries. That works out great. Until Seark realizes his controller doesn't work. At all.

I try to take the kids to the park as often as possible. The park is the equivalent of a public group playdate. In my opinion these are the best kind. Why? One: the kids are outside and they can find just about anything to occupy them. Especially boys. Stick my boys in front of a pile dirt or rocks and you won't hear from them until it is time to go home or someone has to pee. Two: all of the kids parents are there. Which means you get a little adult conversation and if a problem should arise you don't have to be the only referee. Three: and this maybe the best one, it's not at your house. All of the straitening up you did before you left stays in tact. If you time it right you can stay at the park until dinner. Bring the kids with just enough time left in the day to eat, bathe, read a book, and hopefully head to bed. That way you can enjoy your tidy house and possibly something that doesn't involve Mickey Mouse or Austin and Ally.

I try to keep playdates to those two options. Our house or the park. That's it. I really hate letting Aidan go to any one else's house. Ironically the one friend that Aidan has that I like having over to play is also the one friend that I allow Aidan to go over to his house and play also. Other than that if I don't know the parent we have to pass on playdates. You just never know what other people allow their kids to do. The current school year will be over in just 3 weeks. We have gone the entire time being able to dodge playdates. A few months ago I got a phone call from a number that I did not know on a Friday afternoon.

Hi. Is Aidan home? (the voice of a grown woman asked)
Yes he is. Can I ask who is calling?
This is ____________.
I'm sorry how do I know you ? Do I know you?
No. I don't think so. We never met. Aidan goes to school with my son. Well not with my son. They aren't in the same class or anything but they are in the same school.
Oh. Who is your son.
Oh right my son is ___________.
Oh yeah Aidan may have mentioned hi
m. I'm sorry what were you calling for?
Aidan and ________ are supposed to be having a playdate today and he never came so I was calling to see if he was coming.
Ummmmmmm. I don't know anything about a playdate and he would have to ask me before he went anywhere seeing he doesn't have his own car or anything. (yes I was being sarcastic)  
Okay. Can Aidan come over to play today?
No. We are busy today.
Okay how about tomorrow? Wait let me ask ___________. _____________ are you busy tomorrow? Can Aidan come play with you tomorrow instead? (pause) yeah tomorrow is good with ____________.

This may go with out saying but a 30 something year old woman calling my cell phone with no introduction asking to talk to my 7 year old son seemed a little off to me. Did this person really think I was going to let my son go to her house after the craziness she just displayed in this 3 minutes conversation. Did she really check with her son to see what his day was gonna be like tomorrow?! Would her son have plans that she was unaware of?! This was most definitely a playdate that we were going to have to pass on.

There was also the kid that came over for the first time after school one day and was supposed to stay by us until 5:00 at which time his mom was supposed to come for him. 5:00 came and went and the mother never showed. Then 6:00 and 7:00. I called and texted her with no answer or response. Finally a few minutes before 8:00 the kids mother showed up with no explanation. Didn't even get out of the car. Just honked her horn until I sent her son out the door and then she drove away. I was thinking how bizarre when I received a message from her saying that she was sorry that she was late and to make it up to me I could drop Aidan off at her house for an entire day during the weekend. Yeah... we are gonna pass on that playdate too. If you are not worried about where your own kid is I am certainly not leaving mine by you.

So we almost made it through the entire year with no playdates. Then last week Aidan asked me to go to a friends house. Correction he cried. Begged. Pleaded. I said no. I said no again. I said maybe next week. When next week finally arrived the mother of the other boy approached me and asked if Aidan could come to their house to play for awhile. Ugh I guess so. She seemed very nice. I see her every day picking her son up. On time. Well dressed. Polite. They live right around the corner. I guess he can go and play for an hour. I drop Aidan off. Their home is nice. Clean. She greets us at the door and asks if Aidan has any food allergies or anything she should know about. I think okay she is responsible enough to ask those things... that has to be a good sign. It was 5:30 when I dropped Aidan off. I said to the mother I will be back at 6:30, is that okay? She said yes he can stay as long as he wants. I left and returned promptly at 6:30. I rang the bell and Aidan came to the door with a huge smile on his face. Said he would be back in a minute he just had to get his shoes on. I waited for him. He came back ready to go. I said you should tell your friends mother that you are leaving.

Oh she isn't here.
What?! Where is she?!
She left.
Left? LEFT WHEN?
A few minutes after you dropped me off.
What? Why? Who watched you guys ?
Oh no one. His grandpa was home but he didn't come out of his room. We could hear hom snoring though that is how I know he was there.

Sometimes I think I am being ridiculous not letting Aidan go to anyone's house. And then I do. Only to pick him up and find out him and his friend were completely unattended for the last hour. Thank god they didn't get into any kind of trouble, but they very well could have and no one would have been there to stop them. I chalk it up to just another reminder of why we pass on playdates.

My kids are my life. I couldn't live with myself if something happened to them. Never mind if something happened after I went against my gut and let them do something that didn't sit right with me to begin with. I guess I will have to suck it up and look forward to a summer full of obnoxious kids playing at ... MY HOUSE.