With Aidan cry it out never worked and I suppose it was because I never really let him cry it out. I thought moms that used that method were one of two things. Heartless or deaf. Perhaps both. Who could stand outside their babies room knowing they were crying and not go in there and get them?! Mothers that value their own sanity that's who. When Seark was born, 5 years after not letting Aidan cry it out... he was still in our bed! Determined to not have yet another body in our bed I set out to let Seark cry it out. I couldn't. I really tried. That whole 5 minutes felt like an eternity. But at least I tried.
In one queen size bed there was my husband, my five year old, me and my baby. Oh and our severely overweight snuggle smothering dog. It was crowded to say the least. And hot. And starting to feel claustrophobic. I was a slave by night to children who depended on me to fall asleep. By the time Seark was six months old I couldn' take it anymore. These uncomfortable, barely sleeping, over heated, senselessly suffocating nights needed to come to an end. And they did. The idea is seems to be universally babies need to cry "it" out to go to sleep. Once they get the mystery "it" out of their system they are off to dream land and you will not hear from your sweet baby turned screaming exorcist until the sun comes up. Really?! I mean REALLY?! Eh what the hell? At this point I will try anything!
The first few nights were BRUTAL!!! For everyone involved. It is a battle of wills. As Seark would cry it out I would come in periodically and rub his back and shush him. He would mock me. Laugh in my face. Then continue to cry it out the minute I left the room. He knew I was weak. He was trying to break me. I almost let him. But I didn't. I was determined. Every night the crying time got shorter and shorter. The "it" needed to be cried out less and less. Then one night like magic... no crying. Just sleep. I waited incredulous staring at the monitor. Where was the "it"? Had he cried it all out? For good? Was the "it" his firm belief that I would come back for him and he no longer believed that?! Had I broken his will?! Have I damaged our bond? Is he breathing?! I NEED TO GO CHECK ON HIM!!!!! I crack open the door. Creep in. Lay my hand so gently on his back. Oh thank god. He is. He's breathing. He's fine. Whew. I creep back out. Shut the door. Harder than I anticipated. And WAAAAAAAAAAA WAAAAAAAA yup there's the "it". A slamming door will bring the "it" right back! But only for a second and he was back to sleep. Holy shit my friends were not cruel heartless hard of hearing moms. They were well rested. They were smart. They knew all about the "it" and how to make it go away. For years they had been passing on tried and true knowledge and it was falling on deaf ears of this non believing mom. I wanted to call them all and tell them they were right and I was sorry I hadn't taken their advice 5 years ago with Aidan. Who am I kidding I have way too much pride for that!
And then there was three. By the time I had Rylan I was wise(r). I had years worth of trial and error under my belt and 2 solid years of no kids in my bed. I wasn't going backwards. Rylan never got the co sleeping luxury. There were so many nights after nursing him, all swaddled like a little burrito, looking so peaceful and beautiful all I could think about was snuggling the night away with him in my bed. I knew better. If you start them in the crib from the very beginning apparently there is nothing to cry out. Rylan just goes to sleep. Naps. Night. Doesn't matter. I put him down wide awake and minutes later he sound asleep. Having a baby that sleeps soundly, independently, on a routine schedule is a whole different life. A whole different wonderful life. I do not regret even one night of snuggles with Aidan or Seark and there are nights I feel like I missed out on them with Rylan but with three kids sleep is a necessity!
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