Some birds arent meant to be caged

Some birds aren’t meant to be caged

“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all.

Their feathers too bright, their songs too sweet and wild.

So you let them go, or whenever you open the cage to feed them they

Somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows that it is wrong to

Imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.”

Stephen King

 Came across that quote tonight and can't help but think about how much I miss my friend Melissa. If you knew her you would know how fitting that is for her. One of the most beautiful people I have ever known. Inside and out. A spirit so bright, so bold you just can’t keep it contained.

We were close friends in grammar school and into high school. I transferred to a private school and lost touch with a lot of my childhood friends including her. Years went by and I heard she was living here or there and doing this or that but we never seemed to be in the same place at the same time. A few years ago I’m not even sure exactly how but we got back in touch with each other. It was like no time passed at all. We caught each other up on everything and anything that had happened in our lives over the last decade. Everything. The good. The bad. Even the ugly. Our conversations were easy and honest. I began to realize not just how much I missed her but how much I missed having that kind of friendship. A friendship free of any kind of judgment. I could tell her anything no matter how silly and always feel heard. We spent countless hours talking on the phone and over coffee.

It wasn’t long before we both found out that we were pregnant. A surprise to both us. Really what were the odds that after all these years of never even crossing paths that we would be having babies within days of each other? We spent every day of our pregnancy together. Every day. Melissa would come here in the morning and we would spend literally the whole day together. Commiserating over how uncomfortable we both were. Planning for our newest additions. Sharing in each other’s excitement. Even rubbing each other’s swollen feet. We talked about everything from baby names to how crazy I thought she was for planning a home birth. We watched each other’s belly’s grow and felt our little ones kick before they were here.  When I was on my way to the hospital to have Seark I called her. Right before they took me in for my c-section I called her. The first phone call I made after he was here was... to her. Our babies that were due just days apart wound up being born a month apart. Seark was 2 weeks early. Her baby Saige was 2 weeks late. She spent most of that very long month waiting for Saige on my couch snuggling Seark. He would lay across her belly contently as Saige wriggled and moved. When she finally made her way into the world I couldn’t wait to meet her. To hold this little peanut I felt like I already knew. She was perfect. She was only a few hours old when I went with Seark to introduce him to his new friend and celebrate the birth of her baby with my best friend.

After the babies were born we were inseparable. Together we passed the time watching our babies grow. Exchanging advice. Laughing at ourselves and the silly things Seark and Saige would do. We spent our days by the pool playing with Aidan and getting tan while Seark and Saige napped together side by side in the shade. It was one of the best summers. Before we knew it a year had passed and we had toddlers. They stumbled around each other like little drunks. Me and Melissa enjoyed every second watching them explore their little world together. Side by side. As Seark and Saige grew up Melissa and I grew closer and closer. Melissa is the closest to a sister that I have ever had.  

But just like some birds that aren’t meant to be caged neither was she. I always knew that. Still I was devastated when out of the blue she told me she was moving across the country. She was ready to move on. I knew she had to. I was so happy for her and so sad for me. My world feels empty without her. I miss spending our days together and having someone to talk to. She was that once in a lifetime friend that would answer the phone and 2 am and drop everything if you needed her. The crazy friend that would ask for your left over breast milk and eat a cricket to entertain your 5 year old. The one that let me cry and sent me flowers when I was hurting in a way no one else understood. Defend you even if she knew you were wrong. That once in a life time friend. I miss her but know I am lucky because not everyone gets to know what that kind of friendship feels like. Not everyone gets to experience something so sweet and wild.