Sams Club with Stan

The school sent a note home that they are in need of some supplies. Among some of the things on the list are paper towels, cups, and juice boxes. All things that I can buy in bulk at Sams Club.  My thinking is I will drop Aidan off at school and then head over to Sams Club with just the two other boys. Problem. Rylan doesn’t sit it independently yet so I can’t sit him in the cart. Maybe I will put him in the baby carrier. I start to get the baby carrier out when I realize it may not be so easy to lift cases of juice with Rylan strapped to my chest. Stroller it is. Do I take the single stroller and just put Rylan in there or the double so Seark can sit in there too instead of the nasty germ infested Sams Club shopping cart. Ok double stroller. The double stroller is a lot harder to push with one hand though. Hmmmmm how does such a simple trip to the store become such a dilemma? I don’t know but when all else fails I can always call Stan.

 Stan is my father in law. He is one of the nicest people you could ever meet. You could call him at 3am and ask him to come watch the kids and he will with no questions asked. He will make trips to the store and let the kids ride him like a circus pony if that is what the day calls for. My kids love him. They also totally abuse him. They play with him like he is another child. He will let them color on him, be their punching bag, and play obnoxious video games while Aidan mocks him for not “getting the game”. So I call Stan knowing that he will undoubtedly say yes and that while his presence will solve the stroller dilemma it will open a whole new can of annoying worms.

I pick him up and we head to store. I get the kids in the double stroller and he gets a cart. We walk through the entrance to be greeted by a young handsome uniformed guy that is collecting money… I can’t even tell you for what. He starts with “mom can your boy have a lollipop?” which he is already handing to Seark. Now of course I have to give him something. Problem is I NEVER carry cash on me. I dig through my bag. Nothing. I search through my wallet. Nothing. Then I remember that when we were at home Seark stuffed a dollar in his pocket. Before I can get the dollar from Seark my father in law hands the guy a 5 dollar bill. The guy smiles at me and says “don’t worry about it beautiful your dad got it, and by the way you got some gorgeous blue eyes you must have got them from him”. Two things he is only being generous with the compliments because he was just given money and my eyes are not blue. I thank him anyway and add I didn’t get his eyes though, he isn’t my father. After saying that the young man collecting money became very apologetic babbling on about why he assumed that he was and that he was so sorry for the mistake when it dawned on me… now he thought that Stan is my husband. “Oh god, he’s not my husband!” I told him less talking would probably get him more money and headed inside. By the way there is nothing wrong with Stan except that he is 40 years my senior and if these babies were ours… well let’s not even go there. He is simply not my father, and definitely not my husband.

Once inside the store Stan encourages Seark to get out of the stroller and walk around with him. I will tell you this no mom brings a stroller as optional seating. I have it because I want you in it.  Much like my children my father in law has no sense of urgency. He does everything at his own pace. His pace being slow-er than I would like but I can’t complain because he is doing me a favor. Well I could complain but he would just tell me I need to relax and carry on at his snail like speed.

There are two reasons my father in law goes a store like this. One because I asked him to. Two so he can troll the store for free samples. So let’s recap. We are walking at a speed of slow working on stop. Seark is wreaking havoc. Stan is making a meal of free samples. Perfect. Just what I had in mind. Finally we get everything that we need and get on line. Stan is the talkative type. Especially to strangers. He strikes up a conversation with the guy at the checkout counter who has apparently nothing better to do than talk about the weather and the outrageous price slim fast. No that wasn’t on the list. No we did not buy slim fast. At some point we did walk by it. My answers to why it is priced the way it is did not suffice so he had to ask someone else before we left the store. Needless to say the rhymes and reasons to our current weather pattern were not uncovered and the slim fast pricing system still remains a mystery but we got to know Mike at register number five and his philosophies on such very well.

So what is the moral of this story? I guess that this mom with multiple children of varying ages is still trying to figure out how to get things done. Alone.  I’m sure there is an easier way that has not dawned on me just yet but when I have my aha moment as Oprah would call it will certainly share it with you all.