Mom, Mom, Mom

MOM!!!! COME GET SEARK

MOM!!!! SEARK IS TOUCHING MY STUFF

MOM!!!! SEARK IS LOOKING AT ME

MOM!!! MOM!!!! MOM!!! DO YOU HEAR ME MOM?!?!?!?!?

 My reply to Aidan: Yes of course I can hear you!!! You are only five feet away from and you are SCREAMING. Maybe you didn’t notice the phone next to my ear. Yes there is someone on the other line. No its not Daddy. Just be quiet for two minutes!!!

To the accountant on the phone: I’m so sorry. My kids needed me for a second. What were you saying?

Just as the accountant starts to finish her sentence Seark comes flying by me in tears SCREAMING, CRYING! Aidan is not even two steps behind. I didn’t come to get Seark fast enough so Aidan took it upon himself to chase Seark out of the toy room with a booger on his finger. At this point I cannot hear a thing the woman on the other end is saying. I shoot Aidan that “you’re in trouble when I hang up” look in hopes it will stop him in his tracks. It doesn’t. He continues chasing Seark around the dining room table threatening to wipe a booger on him. Seark is shrilling and shrieking like a wild animal about to be caught by his prey. I’m staring at them incredulously when I hear loud and clear “MRS. WINTER I WILL CALL YOU BACK AT A MORE CONVENIENT TIME” and then the phone goes dead. Had she not hung up so quick I would have told her I wish that were true. I wish there was a time in near sight that will be better. A time when I can carry on a conversation with out sounding like I have tourettes or ADD. A time when it will not sound like I am at the zoo standing inside the monkey cage.

I put the phone down and grab Aidan as he tries slip past me. I take him in the bathroom. Make him wash his gross booger finger and tell him to go sit in time out. I make my way back into the dining room to peel Seark off the floor for he has collapsed in meltdown mode over being traumatized by his older brother. I take Seark into the kitchen. Sit him on the counter. Wipe his face. Talk to him until he is calm. Then I get out whipped chocolate peanut butter and smear it on his finger. I set him down on the floor and tell him run inside with your finger in the air yelling POOPY and try to wipe it on Aidan! Seark giggles and takes off. A toddler on a mission. A mission to freak his brother out. Needless to say it was a success.

Sometimes the only way to really teach a lesson is to put the shoe on the other foot. Granted I may have taken it a little too far but Aidan got the point and I don’t think he will be chasing anyone with boogers or anything else that came from his body any time soon.

See as a mom of all boys you learn to accept that your house will from now on be messy. There will be strange smells and sounds that they will oddly enjoy and try to outdo each other with. There will be private jokes that you won’t ever get. The words fart and poop will be said more times than you care to hear and no matter the circumstances will always make them laugh. You will also learn that to parent effectively you have to think like one of them. You will come up with creative ways to get through to them. Creative ways that in quiet moments alone you will think “did I actually do that?!”. Chances are you will laugh to yourself and realize yes you did. And you know what if it worked you will take comfort in the revelation that although you  no longer recognize yourself you are one step closer to understanding the little people you made. That is called satisfaction.

What are some of the “creative” ways you have found to get through to your kids?