Do you remember your first crush? I remember mine. It was a boy named Joesph that lived around the corner. I was probably in the second grade at the time so we are talking about 8 or 9 years old. I was completely smitten. Head over heels. So much so that when my mother let me buy a pet hamster I named him after my young love... Joey. I giggle now even at the thought of basically naming a chubby rodent after some one my 8 year old self day dreamed of someday marrying. Anyway Joey was my first real pet other than our family dog Patty. He was mine. My responsibility to care for. My mom got me one of those very cool cages that had a maze made of plastic tubing that you can watch him run through. Some how one of the tubes got disconnected and Joey ran away. I remember searching the house for hours. Days. And yes, unfortunately week.
My mom put out all kinds of contraptions to try to lure my furry friend in. He loved peanut butter. We put peanut butter in and on everything that he might wonder in to. Everyday the peanut butter would be missing but no hamster. I distinctly remember telling my mother don't you think with all that peanut butter he is eating that he is going to get thirsty. She assured me if he got that thirsty he would go back to his cage for a drink.
Finally the day would come that I would find my Joey. It was early morning. I had to pee so bad. I went to go in the bathroom but my brother was in there. Even at this young age I already had bad eye sight. I ran downstairs to use the other bathroom. With out my glasses. At first glance with my blurry sight i thought someone forgot to flush the toilet. Why I looked closer before flushing I still don't know. I bent down to get a closer look only to realize that this thing floating was.... my Joey. I was screaming. Crying. When my mother came running down to see what had happened. I told you he was going to get thirsty. I told you with all that peanut butter that he would need water. Apparently I was right. My poor hamster must have gotten thirsty and went to get a drink when he fell in only to realize that he could not get back out.
My first real pet. Named after my first real crush. Was dead. Drowned in the toilet. I was devastated. It couldn't have been any worse... until it was. My mother took me upstairs and in an attempted to console me. She assured me that she would get Joey out of the toilet and put him to rest for me. Later that day I told her that I wanted to give him a proper burial in our back yard. I gave my mother a box to put him in. I dug a hole in the perfect spot. My mother and brother came to attend to this informal service for my dearly departed hamster. My mother handed me the box to put in the ground. When she did I could feel there was something rolling around in there. It sounded like something hard. Not like you expect a dead wet hamster to sound if it shifted in the box. I took the lid off. What was in there would scar me for life (well not really but....) In the box was a POTATO!!!! (hysterical) OH. MY. GOD. WHY IS THERE A POTATO IN HERE?!? WHERE IS JOEY?!? YOU FLUSHED MY HAMSTER!!!!!!
My mother looked as if she had been shocked by a tazer. My brother near hysterical... from laughter. My mother did take Joey out of the toilet. She just assumed that was that and threw him away. When I asked to have a proper burial she just didn't have the heart to tell me that he was already tossed in the trash. The experience was traumatizing to say the least. I still remember it like it was yesterday... 25 years later. Which only makes me think about what my kids will remember about the days we are spending together now. Hopefully no dead hamsters in our future.
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