#normalizeitnow

Breast feeding is one of those things unless you are doing it you don't think much about it. At least for me. I admit before I had my son I never thought about it at all. Not about whether I would or not. I didn't really give a second thought to any one else breast feeding and probably cause I never really knew anyone that did. I remember one time when I was 17 or 18 and on a plane to Florida a woman sitting next to me was breast feeding her son. The seats were small. We were very close together. Too close for comfort even if she didn't have her breast out. I was young. And no too happy about it. I honestly thought really that baby has to eat right now?! Of course 8 years later sitting on a plane headed to Florida with my own exclusively breast fed baby I got my answer. YES HE DOES. RIGHT NOW!!!! Of course I thought back to that lady all those years ago and how uncomfortable she must have been. Aidan was crying and I knew it was because he was hungry. BUT the seats are so close together and some guy had already been giving me the evil eye and making comments about how my noisy baby was ruining his flight. And lets face it there is no discreet way to get your breast out of your shirt with a 10 month old baby on your lap while sitting so close to the person next to you that you can feel them breathe. I could feel my chest getting tight with anxiety and for a moment had the thought of how much easier it would be if my baby was bottle fed. It wasn't the first time that I had felt that way.

When Aidan was just a few months old I went out to eat with him for one of the first times. I fed him right before we left the house so that I would not have to feed him at the restaurant. There was a longer wait for a table than I had anticipated and by the time our food came Aidan was looking for his. I forgot the nursing cover at home. It wasn't something that I took with me normally because I NEVER fed him in public. I sat there in this tiny booth trying to fit him in front of me and feed him with out drawing any attention and it just really felt impossible. So impossible I let Aidan cry while we waited for the check in order to spare myself the embarrassment.  I missed out on a lot. I stayed home a lot. All because I did not want to feed him in public. How silly? Right?

Breast feeding is natural soooo it should be totally normal to see someone nursing their baby.... right? Yet it is not. Women are still made to feel like it is something they should do in private. Those of us that do breast feed know that there is nothing to hide. Nothing really even to see. Nothing to be embarrassed about. However illogical there is a social stigma that comes with nursing in public. Not everyone but a good amount... (good enough to make the nursing mother uncomfortable) don't want to see it.

During the time I was still breastfeeding Seark I went to the mall with a friend that also had young children. By the time I had Seark there was no way around nursing in public. Aidan was five we couldn't spend our days hiding out in the house until his brother was weaned. I got over my anxieties for the most part and just fed him where and when he was hungry. So me, my friend, Aidan, and her children are all together at the mall when Seark has to eat. I sit on a big bench. Put the nursing cover on. Get Seark situated underneath and start to feed him. One of my friends children asks  "what is the baby doing under there?' My friend, her mother immediately interjected and said trying to take a nap it is nice and quiet it under there shhhhhhhhhh. Aidan of course said no he isn't. He is drinking milk from my moms boobs. The kids giggled about it and went about their little business with no further questions other than "can I see?" My friend almost fell off the bench. Up until that point I had no idea that she felt that way. I couldn't understand why she didn't just tell her child what was going on. She said to me I am not ready for that conversation... thanks. WHAT CONVERSATION?! I wanted to say. When a mommy has a baby her boobs make milk too feed the baby. Period. End of Story. That is the simple truth. Why would that be so hard to explain? Is it really that weird to tell your kids this is what the human body does. I just don't get it. Although I didn't say anything to her I had to wonder what did she think about my son knowing all about breast feeding. Did she think I was weird or inappropriate for telling/ doing it in front of my son? For doing it at all?

Rylan is my third baby. My third breast fed baby. Over the winter holidays we went to visit my husbands extended family. We were all sitting around the family room (all women) when Rylan started getting fussy because he was hungry. I didn't even give it a thought I just started nursing him. An older member of the family got very offended and asked me to go into a bedroom with the baby. She said "you can't do that in here. What if one of the children come in?! or one of the men?!" Well if its one of my children they wouldn't bat an eye. Both of my older children know that this is the way their brother gets fed. They also know that it is the way they were fed. The don't see anything weird or off putting about it. And "the men" my god not the men!!! They might get a glimpse of a nipple and then what?! Would mine be the first they ever saw?! Would it scar them for life? Oh wait men have nipples too. I knew she was being ridiculous and at the same time I suddenly felt very uncomfortable almost ashamed. No one else spoke up which made me wonder if they were all thinking the same thing. I shouldn't have cared. I did. So much that I had a knot in my throat and tears very close to spilling from my eyes. I wanted to go home.

 There was recently an article on a popular pregnancy website about the "trend" of women posting "breastfeeding selfies". First of all it is not a trend. Since the bible women have been depicted breast feeding. Why? Because it is a beautiful. Natural. Not weird at all thing to do. I know friends that have had their breast feeding pictures, ones that were beautiful. Tasteful. Even conservative. That were reported on social media sites as inappropriate/ offensive and pornographic. It is disturbing that anyone would even think that there is anything sexual at all about nursing a baby. Pornographic?! Whoever is having those thoughts should have their head examined.

I hate when people say I am all for breastfeeding I just don't want to see it. Why?! Why don't you want to see it?! What bothers you so much the baby? or the breast? I read a comment someone left on a picture of a mother nursing her baby saying it is not the baby breastfeeding I have a problem with... it is your nipple! Not a nipple!!!! Is it like when vampires get a light shined in their eye?! If that is the case and your are going to turn to dust from the sight of nipple than I totally get it. Hide your eyes. Run. Warn your friends. I have had nipples... two of them to be exact my whole life. If I knew they held that kind of power I may have started randomly flashing people a long time ago. Oh that isn't the case... damn I was going through the possibilities of this new found power and was getting kind of excited.

There is also a misconception about us breastfeeding mamas. We don't post pictures and talk about normalizing just because we can. We don't think we or our breastfed babies are any better than formula fed ones. We aren't trying to one up you or make anyone feel guilty that they did not/ could not breast feed. We try to normalize it because it is normal. Because if you have ever felt the shame. Fed your baby in a bathroom. Let your baby cry it out because there was no discreet way to feed him/him. Given up earlier than you wanted to. Avoided going out. Then you know how awful that feels and once you get over your own fear of the social backlash you want to do your part to not ever have another mother feel that way. That is why I ditched the nursing cover. I take and post "breastfeeding selfies". I talk about breastfeeding more than most want to hear about it. And not just for others. For me too. It is a huge accomplishment. It is harder than you might think. It takes determination and commitment. It is like nothing else I will ever experience. It is beautiful. I am proud.