Seark recently turned 3. If you ask him how old he is he will tell you "dis many" as he holds out six fingers. I think he says 6 because that's how old he believes Aidan is and he really just wants to be like his big brother. Despite the fact that he still uses his binky and drinks a "hot ba ba" at night he takes every opportunity he gets to remind me that he is a big boy. Don't ever make the mistake of telling him that he is still little. It makes him belligerent. Screaming, crying, falling on the floor, sobbing and proclaiming "ME GETTING BIGGA BIGGA BIGGA!!! I NOT WITTLE BOY NO MORE!!!!". Just today I said to him your so big now where did my baby go? To which he replied "ry guy french fry sleeping upstairs."
Ry is so little he has no idea how old anyone else is. But he clearly wants to be one of the boys already. He is always right in the middle of whatever is going on. His whole face lights up when the older kids pay any attention to him. He will shriek and squeal to get their attention.
I remember being a kid feeling like I was never going to grow up. Years seemed to drag on. Birthdays were exciting. Not just the parties and cool gifts but that you were one year closer. To being a teenager. To getting a drivers license. To graduating and being done with school. To being able to stay out later. To being an adult.
To children adults appear to have it all. It seems they get to do what they want. When they want. No one limits TV time. No one is taking their shit away because they were bad. No one is telling them clean up their room. Even having a job seems like fun. After all they are getting paid every week. Of course children have no idea about bills. And in general lack the concept of true responsibility. Take away bills and the sense of being responsible... adulthood seems awesome. It is no wonder that kids are in a rush to get here.
What a let down it is to turn 17 and find out that no one is going to juts hand you the keys to a car. Insurance cost how much?! Gas? I had no idea that gas was so expensive. Whatever I will get a job to pay for all of the new expenses this car is going to incur. What do you mean I have to work every Saturday?! That isn't going to work for me. And your going to pay me what?! That must be a joke. You mean I have to go to school ALL week and then have a job on the week end and I am only going to get paid barely enough to afford the stupid car insurance?! What the hell?
Once introduced to that eye opening reality you will adjust. You work the weekend reluctantly but hey at least you have a car. Then comes the next big thing you have been waiting for. Graduation! Yes finally done with school! Only two find out that leaves you with two equally unappealing options. College or a full time job. Keep living at home and attend college. That is the route I strongly suggest. Although you could get a full time and go to college when you figure out what you want to do with your life. In the mean time since you are working 40 hours a week maybe you will get your own apartment. No problem I can afford the rent for something small with my job. Since when does it costs money to keep lights on?! Is that why dad spent the last 20 years reminding me to shut them off whenever I leave a room? That makes sense now. Okay. No problem how much could gas and electric run? Yup way more than I thought. And the TV why am I only getting channels 1-11? What happened to the rest of them? You have to pay for that too?! I might have to get a second job to pay for all of this stuff. It is probably at this point that it hits you... I rushed the best years of my life. To get here. It sucks here.
When I was 5 I wanted to be 10. When I was 10 I wanted to act like I was 15. By the time I was 15 I couldn't wait to be 21. After 21 I started to feel like maybe I could wait to turn 22, 25, and when 29 rolled around I was dreading 30! Who the f*@# wants to turn 30?! 30 kind of sneaked up on me. I had just given birth to Seark a few weeks before when I walked into my surprise 30th birthday party. So many of my friends and family came out to celebrate this birthday with me. My husband who never thinks anything through put together this huge party dj and all. 30 must be a big deal. I remember leaving the party and feeling like.... what now? What is there to look forward to after 30?
Having just turned 33 I think I can finally answer that question.
What is there to look forward to after 30? Everything. Turns out my 30's might just be the best years of my life. At this point I have everything that I have ever wanted. I am not waiting for anything. I have graduated high school and even college. I have had jobs that I loved and hated. Because of that I know that this stay at home mom gig is better than anything else I have done. The wedding of dreams already happened and I get to enjoy the happily ever after. The family that I always dreamt of... well they are who I write about everyday. I now own the house I grew up in where I get to raise my kids. I get to spend my days doing pretty much whatever I want with all these little people that I made. I am not waiting on anything or wishing away the day or weeks in anticipation of something else. I am enjoying everyday (for the most part). Life isn't perfect but it is pretty damn close. At one time I thought 30 was the beginning of the end. It's not. Not at all. It's the start of having it all accompanied by the wisdom to slow down and enjoy it.
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