I have already admitted to being a shoe whore with hand bags being my secondary addiction. Other than diaper bags I haven't bought a real bag in probably the last 7 years. Aidan is 7... so that's about right. Since having the kids almost everything that I do is for them. They come first 100% of the time and so that is the way that it should be. They want for nothing. I don't spend much money on me anymore and I am ok with that. I don't really need much. But I have been dying to get a Louis Vuitton bag. I mean really what girl doesn't want one?
So after talking about it forever. Daydreaming. Window shopping. Wanting. Waiting. It is finally mine! Last Saturday I bought the Louis Vuitton Speedy 35 and it is fabulous. The leather is exquisite. The smell intoxicating. The bright red lining is brilliant. The coveted golden lock is perfection. I am in love ( if you couldn't tell) I HAD TO HAVE THIS BAG!!! Or did I?
I hate to admit it and I much as I love it I look at it and can't help but think of all of the other things we could have bought with the money used to pay for that bag. I mean do I really need something that costs this much? In my 20's I would have just said yes. Bought it. Loved it. Not thought twice about it. Now I have three kids. A house. A car. Lots of other expenses. Oh and did I mention no job. Yes I am a stay at home mother we all know that is a job but I mean one that I get paid for. I don't have one that I get paid for. Luckily my husband does. A well paying one at that. Obviously if we couldn't afford it I wouldn't have gotten it in the first place. So why am I not just enjoying it? Where did this unexpected guilt come from? I don't like it. Have I gotten so used to not doing things for me that they feel wrong or selfish even when I am not putting anybody else out? My kids are not going with out something because I got this bag. My husband isn't picking up an extra shift at work to pay for it. And yet it is not how I expected to feel after getting the bag I have been waiting my life to get.
Don't get me wrong it's not a let down and under no circumstances is it going back.
Maybe I just miss the days of not over thinking everything. Not feeling so responsible all of the time. When you have a family there is no such thing as having extra money. Even if there is no where that it has to go in the moment you know that you should be saving it for the future. For school uniforms. The next activity they want to try out. College. Clothes they are rapidly out growing. Family vacation. There is always the next thing to plan for. Save for. All for them. So I should be able to enjoy this one thing for me... right?
Kids make you rethink everything. Over think everything. In all of that thinking the thought about whether I really had to have this bag is one that I could not get off my mind. Yes I wanted it. I love it. But did I have to have it. Well obviously I could have lived with out it but ya know what sometimes mom should get spoiled too. We forego things like hot coffee. Hot showers. Even lets face it looking hot most of the time. We trade in designer jeans for yoga pants. I personally live in yoga pants and don't tell anyone but I don't actually do yoga. Ever. Cute shoes for practical sneakers or flip flops. We change poopie diapers and pukey sheets. Function on less sleep than humanly possible.
We tirelessly run the house. Keep up with play dates and school plays. we create memories and are responsible for thousands of smiles. So when we find something that makes us smile. That is just for us. We should just smile and enjoy it too. If you see me out with Louis on my arm you can assume its partially responsible for the smile on my face.
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