BFF. Best. Friends. Forever. FOREVER?! Are friends really forever? Can any relationship withstand the test of time? Life changes such as college? Boyfriends? Marriage? Babies? Distance?
Most of the meaningful friendships that we will have through out our life are formed when we are very little... our formative years... go figure. I think one of the reasons that is true because grammar/ high school are practically the only times in our lives that we have literally nothing else going on. At the age of 5 the one or two friends that you have are really all you have. Your little world revolves around play dates and get together's with these other little people that also have nothing else going on. You learn together. Grow together. Experience life together. You may turn into two totally different people but sometimes that doesn't even matter because you have already formed this unbreakable bond. A bond that formed when you could appreciate each other for who you really were. Before judgments. Before becoming jaded. Before picking sides or being cool. Before life became a problem in itself.
Over the 33 years of my life I have had friends. Friends that come and go. Friends for a season. Friends of circumstance. Friends that I have loved. Friends that I wish I had never befriended at all. Frenemies.
In grammar school I had multiple bff's. Yes more than one "best" friend. How could there be more than one best? I don't know. Clearly I was young and was not sure what best meant. Now I know there is best and then... well second best. And second best is like losing the popularity contest of friendship. No one wants to be the almost best friend. As adult there is rarely more than one person if even that in the running.
For me there was my high school best friend. Really from junior/ senior and beyond that. We spent more time together doing nothing than doing anything else. Possibly my first friend that felt much more like family. The year we graduated high school. The summer before college is one of the most memorable. Fun. Best times of my life. We spent most of the summer going to the beach. Sitting in traffic smoking cigarettes. Listening to Tori Amos. Talking about life. Making plans for our future. Which of course included each other . How could it not? We were practically sisters. By choice. We were even going to the same college in the fall. Surely we would always be best friends. BFF. And we were. Until She joined a sorority. Which I am not sure if you have figured out by now but sorority is so not my thing. We drifted but didn't completely go our separate ways. We still occasionally got together. Occasionally and then not really at all.
Life as it will went on. I got engaged. She got involved in her sorority and school work. We were on different pages but still I could not think of anyone else that I would want standing by me when I got married. And so she was my maid of honor. She came to my wedding. Gave a lovely. Touching. Well written speech. Then we parted ways. No fight. No falling out. Just not much in common. Years later we hooked up again. I was about to give birth to my first son. We became close again. She came to the hospital when Aidan was born. That meant a lot to me. In time she got engaged and asked me to be her maid of honor. I was. I went to the wedding. Gave a lovely. Touching. Well written speech. Then we parted ways. We didn't get together often but were always there for the big things. Like when she bought her first home. When I had my next baby. So maybe not best friends forever. But definitely friends for ever. Or not. I would be lying if I even said I knew where it all fell apart. But it did. So much so that we can be in the space at the same time and not even acknowledge one another. From best friends to strangers... seems strange but it is what it is. At the one point in our lives that we have the most to share there is such a disconnect something as simple as eye contact is too hard.
Then there was my friend of circumstance. If it weren't for all of these major life events coinciding with each other we probably never would have crossed paths. Our husband's knew each other but hadn't seen each other in years. Until we signed up for pre cana classes at the church for our wedding. As it turns out we got engaged with in a month from each other. We were getting married with in a few months of each other. We bought our first homes around the same time. Gave birth to our boys in the same year. From wedding dresses to home decor. Birthing classes to first birthdays. We had everything in common and plenty to talk about. We spent everdays, holidays, and vacations. Together. With our husbands. And our children. Eventually our kids began to grow up. And apart. The less they had in common. The less we had in common. Once our circumstances changed so did our friendship. Turns out we didn't really like each other at all and that was the only thing we really had in common by the time we parted ways.
I have friends that come and go. There will be periods that I will see them often and then not at all. But we can always pick up where we left off with no awkwardness or hard feelings. I have had friends for a season. You know the people that come into your life. You have everything and nothing in common with them. You share this wonderful time together. Then when it is over... it is just that. Over. They go. And don't ever return. I am sure that in the grand scheme of things they serve some greater purpose. Whether they teach you some life lesson, heal some wound, repair your broken heart. Maybe they are just a bump in the road. The bump that broke your speed. Made you slow down long enough to see that life is passing you by. Or maybe you were one of those for them. Whatever the reason. You cross paths. For the better. And then you move on. Being grateful for having met them. Easily letting them go.
I currently have small group of friends. I am not sure yet what category they fall into. I hope they are forever friends but I am just not sure they exist. Not my friends... they are real people. I am just not sure that forever as far as friends go is a reality.
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