Time to fly



Do you know how birds get their little ones to fly? By letting them fall. Maybe not so much letting. They make the fall the mandatory. Mama bird will refuse to come to the nest to feed her fledglings. Instead she will stand near by with the food the babies so desperately want. Keeping it just out of reach. Enticing them to step out of their comfort zone. Out of the safety and security of the nest. She forces them to step out. Fall. And get back up. Until they spread their wings and fly.

What a way to learn. Just as birds instinctively learn to fly with out being taught babies will learn to walk. Run. And Eventually fly. I like most moms am quite the opposite of mama bird. When Aidan went for his 6 month well visit the pediatrician asked me if was rolling over. Rolling over? No. Why? Should he be? So then he asked well if you put a toy out of his reach will he attempt to get it? What? No. Why would I put a toy out of his reach? Oh so he will be motivated to roll over and get it. Got it. No. Haven't done that.

I want my babies to stay safe with in the nest. I hate those first few weeks when they begin to walk. Their legs so unsteady and unsure. They fall. Often. Get bumps and bruises. Every time I see Ry wobble my instinct is to grab him. Catch him before his little booty hits the floor. As often as I can I resist the urge to never let him falter. By now I have learned that it is only through falling that they learn how to get up.

So when Aidan asked to do Tree Top Adventure an obstacle course 10 feet in the air. 15 unique challenges. All requiring balance. Coordination. Agility. Focus. Normally words that are not in Aidan's vocabulary. Aidan who is clumsy. Mostly uncoordinated and distracted was drawn to this thrilling feat and begging to do it. Every thing in me wanted to tell him no. No there is no way I am going to let you do this. No because it is dangerous. No. Because once you get up there you can not just change your mind and get down. No. I don't even think you are capable for god sake you can't take five steps on even ground with out falling. Just no. Despite every no running through my mind... I said yes. I think because deep down I knew all the no's were more about my fears than his.

So I signed him up. He got all hooked up. They went over all of the instructions and safety regulations. I repeated everything to Aidan as if I was a translator making sure he understood every word. I quizzed him to be sure he had indeed paid attention and absorbed the information he needed to make his way through this course. He shot me several "mom you are embarrassing me glares" but I didn't care. Before I knew it Aidan was up. It was his turn. I silently prayed ... Oh dear God guide him through this. Please don't let him fall or freak out. Dear God guide me through this. I might need it more than him."

I stood on the ground staring up at Aidan. About to start the first challenge. His hands shaking. Cheeks red. My hands shaking. Face flushed. When he turned to me and said "I can't do it. I am afraid". I wanted to run over to one of the guides and tell them he can't do it. Please just get him down. Instead I said "You got this. Calm down. Focus. Put one foot in front of the other. Take your time. You totally got this".  I was terrified I was wrong. And then he put one foot in front of the other and started to go. He got it. He made it through the first challenge, then the second, third, and so on. Slow. Steady. Focused. He made it through the course. On his own. I have never been more relieved as I watched him come down the last step. I could see the pride in his eyes. He was so proud of himself. Because he did it. Even though he was afraid... he did it. He was so proud of himself and so was I.

I couldn't help but think maybe all this time I had been holding him back because I was afraid to let him fall. All this time he hadn't learn to fly because I was holding his wings when I had only intended to hold his hand. I let him go. Instinctively he spread his wings. It was bittersweet to watch him soar.