Sandpaper in your vagina?!

This morning like every other morning me and the kids came downstairs. Out of habit when I go to bed I put on the Disney channel. This way if one of the kids turns on the TV before me I know it is on a safe channel. Last night I went out for coffee with a friend. Got home late. The kids were already in bed. My husband was sound asleep too. I turned the TV on and watched a few minutes of Seth Meyers before I heard Rylan crying. I figured I would feed him get him settled and come back downstairs. I didn't. I nodded off in the rocking chair with Rylan and by the time I put him in the crib I just got into bed.

So we all head downstairs and into the living room. The TV is already on. I look around for the remote quick but don't see it. I get side tracked with letting the dogs out, changing Rylan's diaper and being bombarded with questions about what we are having for breakfast.

Mom this show is still on I want to watch something else. 

Okay Aidan just give me a minute.

Mom it's an adult show. You better change it! 

What's on?

Hoda something and some annoying lady.
(The Today Show with Kathie Lee and Hoda Kotb)

Well I will just be one more minute. That show isn't bad anyway.
(I mean really it is 9 am on a Tuesday morning on regular TV how bad could it be?)


MOM THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT S E X!!!!!

I grab Rylan and run in the living room to change the channel. Aidan and Seark are very intently watching the Today Show. Gahhhhhh I can not find the remote. I am tossing pillows off the couch. On my hands and knees looking under the coffe table. Yes! There it is! I had not really heard much of what they said up until this point. I ask Aidan what channel he wants to watch. Start to type in 1 - 2 - when I hear the guest on the Today Show say "And the then you go to have sex and it feels like there is SANDPAPER IN YOUR VAGINA!"

SANDPAPER IN YOUR VAGINA!!!! 
SANDPAPER IN YOU  BAGINA!!!
Cackling like two wild hyenas...

Mom why did she say that? Why would you put sand paper IN your vagina?! Wait what does she mean by IN YOUR VAGINA? Do you have a hole in it... like a butt hole?! 

A bagina butt hole....
(Seark chimes in) 

The boys are so hysterical they can barely catch their breath. Of course I am laughing too... but somewhat nervously as I have no idea how I am going to redirect this one with out answering any questions. I change the channel and walk into the kitchen while they are lost in laughter. Praying they just forget the whole thing and move on.

I finish getting everyone breakfast. We eat. Play some games. They are lining up little men. When Seark bursts into laughter and a in sing songy type of way says "Saaaaaaand Paaaaaaaper in your Vaaaaaagiiiiiiiina" Which brings Aidan back to the original questions.

The best I could do was... well you know that is where babies come out of. So that is the hole that she is talking about. But no one puts sand paper in it. She was just being silly.

"Silly by saying that sex feels like sandpaper in your vagina?! I don't get it. What is sex anyway?" 

Aidan I am going to be very honest with you... YOU ARE TOO YOUNG FOR THIS CONVERSATION AND THERE ARE NO MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT IT TODAY... OKAY?

Okay... Can I ask dad when he gets home? 

I have no idea when these kind of talks are supposed to take place. I have always been a firm believer that if they are old enough to ask a thoughtful question then they are old enough for an honest answer.... until today.... when my sweet little 7 year old asked me "what's sex anyway?"
It is definitely not time for that. But thanks Hoda and Kathie Lee for putting this mom on the spot and the reminder... we only watch Disney Jr. in this house!





I drop