Moms judging Moms

Look. At. Her. Does she own a mirror? She looks like she just rolled out bed. Threw that kid in the car and fled the house. Are those sweat pants or pajama pants? And what's with the hair?Ithink there is a cheerio in there.  I mean she only has one kid?! Surely she has the time to.... shhh shhh shhh here she comes. Hi Love! How are you? So glad you could join us today. You look so cute and comfy. (insert air kisses)

Ummmm we are at the park why is she wearing a dress and heals? Who wears heals to the park to chase around a 3 year old?! I mean REALLY?! She's married. She has three kids. Who the hell is she trying to impress coming to the park like she is headed to a beauty pageant?! She must stick her kids in front of the TV while she does her hair and make up. I don't have time for that and I don't want my kids rotting their brain on Sponge Bob just so I can look cute. Hey gorgeous! You always look fabulous! 

Oh. My. God. I stopped by _________'s house the other day with out calling and it was like 3:00 and she answered the door in her underwear and a t-shirt. The kids still had their pajamas on... the ones that were dressed that is. I think she may have even had on her make up from yesterday. The house was a disaster. I mean  D I S A S T E R!!! Shit everywhere. Toys. Clothes. Clean and dirty. Papers. Crayons. The dogs were eating cereal that was stuck to the baby. I. WAS. IN. SHOCK. I had no idea she was like that. She always looks so put together.

Have you been to _________'s house? We went there for a play date and let me just tell you her house is immaculate. Like museum type shit. Not a spec of dust anywhere. Kids can't sit on the furniture. We had to take our shoes off. I was afraid to breathe. I even passed on COFFEE! I was afraid I would spill it and she would freak out! Seriously my house might be messy but my kids are happy. I would hate to live with her. Those poor kids!

Did you see she is still breastfeeding that baby. He almost 1. Time to stop if you ask me.
Formula? Oh no! I would never give my babies formula. I don't understand why anyone does?!
We only eat organic. It's unfortunate people are so uneducated and feed their kids processed crap.
Crunchy moms... haha... more like hippies. Welcome to the 21st century. They sell baby food already made.
Attachment parenting? Don't make me laugh. Do I look like a kangaroo?! I don't need to wear my baby I already carried him for nine months. Besides I don't want to spoil him.
It makes me sick when I see moms not holding their baby enough. You can't spoil a baby. Stop being selfish your baby needs you.
You cloth diaper? That's just weird. And gross. It's like shitting your pants and wearing them again. No thanks.
You don't cloth diaper... don't you care about the environment?! There are chemicals in disposable diapers. You should really read up on that.
I can't believe people vaccinate their babies! It's crazy to put all those toxins into their little bodies. Besides those diseases aren't even around anymore. And haven't they heard they cause autism?!
I can't stand people that don't vaccinate! Diseases are making a come back because they are irresponsible.
Is little ________ Rolling over? Sitting up? Walking? Talking? Waving? Mine is because he is a fucking genius sorry yours isn't I am sure he will catch up sooner or later.
Cry it out!!! NEVER!!! I NEVER LET MY BABY CRY. EVER! I don't care if we co sleep until he is 25. It is just cruel to leave them crying in their crib where babies normally sleep wondering if their mother has abandoned them just so you can have a good night sleep with out worrying you will smother your child. Sure he rolls off the bed but better fall on his head than cry himself to sleep.
You co-sleep? Sexless marriages are great anyway. Enjoy getting kicked in the face for the next five years.

Why do we do it? Why do we judge each other? Why can't moms just agree that we are all doing our best. Whatever that means. My best is not your best. And vice versa. My way no matter how great it works for me will not work the same for you. We are different people raising different children. Moms should stick together. Be in it... this mom thing together. There should be no unspoken park dress codes. No judgement about the way I feed my baby. What happens in my bedroom is no body's business. Just because my house was a wreck when you stopped in doesn't mean that is how I live. It means it is the day before the cleaning lady comes and I am giving myself a break. And yes sometimes it takes me until 3:00 to get it together. My old T shirt and underwear are comfortable and I wasn't expecting anyone... shoot me. I may have looked like I rolled out of bed last week when I saw you but I didn't. I actually didn't even get to get in bed at all because my teething infant was up all night and wanted to be held. ALL. NIGHT. I thought about getting dressed before I left the house but by the time I got everyone else ready it was getting late and I just didn't have the energy or the time left. And yes when I do feel like it I put on make up and do my hair. Throw on my favorite sundress and matching Gucci heels and head out to the park. Not because I want to impress you or anyone else. Because I am a girl and I like to feel like one from time to time. I vaccinate my kids because I feel the benefit out weighs the risk but I will not chase your kid around with a needle because you chose not to. I also won't blame you when I hear there is a measles out break... though I might make you aware that it is happening. I co slept with my first and learned that wasn't really for us. That cute cuddly baby became and giant kid that hogged the bed and wouldn't settle down unless someone was sleeping next to him. So yes I let my last cry it out. And so far he doesn't show any signs of permanent damage. During the day I hold him too much I even baby wear and he hasn't spoiled like rotten milk but maybe he isn't walking yet because he hasn't had the need to as I carry him everywhere. While we are on it... let's talk about milestone's. STOP COMPARING YOUR LITTLE ONE TO MINE. They shouldn't be competing and you shouldn't be keeping score! In a year from now when they are both doing the same thing it won't make one shit of a difference who said mama first. So stop. Stop comparing. Stop judging. Stop thinking your way is better. Because it isn't. I f I am making mistakes that aren't hurting anyone... let me. Don't assume my kids are neglected because I look nice and my house is clean and I won't assume you are dirty because your house was a mess and your kid eats rocks.

Let's agree on this one thing... life would be easier in the mommyhood if we stop assuming we know it all. Don't smile to my face and talk behind my back. Being a bitch is better than being a phony bitch. If you see me struggling and think you know a better way... I will gladly take any advice you offer as long as you don't shove it down my throat. I know you are doing your best even if you aren't doing it my way. And I don't want you to. What I do want is a friend. Someone that understands and knows just how hard this job is. Someone who will over look the cheerios on the floor. Laugh at the little things only another mom could understand. Tell me tomorrow will be better when I am so tired I could cry. Guess if the foreign object in the poopie diaper was swallowed or just fell in there when  I text you a picture. Smile and nod even if you don't agree because that's what mom friends are for. If I want someone to second guess my every decision I will consult with my husband