How old are you?!

I find myself constantly reminding Aidan of his age. The older he gets the more often I do it. Sometimes I even jump ahead to the next age as his birthday approaches. For example both boys will be fighting over a toy. I tell them to knock it off. I make Seark give the toy back to Aidan. The one he had no interest in until Aidan picked it up. Seark will give it back. Not with out some serious protest. But he will relinquish the toy. No sooner Aidan will take the opportunity to tease Seark with the toy. Rub it in his face that he won this one. That mom took his side. Hold it over it head... literally because he towers over Seark. That's when I hear the words coming out of my mouth... "Really Aidan how old are you... almost 8 years old!!! Too old to be dangling a toy in front of your 3 year old brothers face intentionally to make him cry". 

Today I was in the kitchen getting the kids breakfast. I love that they ask for the things they want like I am a waitress that will just keep making laps around their table bringing them their latest request on command. For example... 

Mom can I have cheerios. 

Sure. Would you like milk in them? Fruit? 

Milk. 

I bring Aidan the cheerios. Sit down with my hot coffee. 

Mom can I have strawberries in my cereal. 

Sure. Banana's too?

No. 

Bring Aidan his cheerios with milk and strawberries. Sit back down with my luke warm coffee. Two bites later he says would mind getting me a banana too? 

Mom can I have a bagel?

Searkie I was just in the kitchen I asked you what you wanted and you said nothing. 

I want a bagel. I want a bagel now. Can you get me a bagel now? Mom can you get it. A bagel. Now. 

Get Seark his bagel with cream cheese. Ask what he wants to drink. Although he says nothing I bring him a sippy with green tea because that is what he asks for everyday with breakfast. Sit down with my room temperature coffee. 

Mom can I have a drink? 

Yup here is your green tea. 

I don't want that. Can I have water? 

Yup. Aidan you want something to drink too? 

No. I drank the milk from my cereal. 

(ewwww but ok)

Get Seark his water and sit down with my now very cold coffee. 

You know what mom I will take a drink. 

Oh for god sake Aidan then you have to get it yourself I have been in and out of the kitchen 10 times already and I haven't even gotten to take a sip of coffee. You are 7 years old and definitely tall enough to reach a glass and get your own water. At the very least old enough to know that you want a drink or fruit or milk or whatever when I ask you... not after I sit down because you already said no. 

Forget it if Aidan has a tantrum. I have no patience for tantrums or whining to begin with. I can't stand it when Seark does either of those things. I give him a little grace because he is still so little. But Aidan... I hate to admit it but I have zero tolerance when it comes to him behaving that way. He's just too old to be acting like a baby?! As I go to remind him of his age for the 100th time I realize in that "I'm an awful mommy moment" that maybe it is me that needs to be reminded of his age instead. 

I write about rocking Rylan and not wanting these nights to be nearing an end. I write about taking away Seark's binky and baba and how hard it is for me because I don't really want him to be a big boy yet. And then there is Aidan who is subject to my own hypocritical double standard. As much as I get annoyed by these little things I am truthfully more annoyed with myself for not having more patience. Aidan is still my baby. My first little love. The beautiful babe that changed my life. The world as I knew it.  The boy that made me a mommy. Why am I rushing him? It is no secret that Aidan is not the easiest child. I often wonder has he just used up all my patience? Of course the answer is no. Unfortunately being a mom is a work in progress. I realize that a lot of Aidan's behaviors even the ones I don't like stem from me setting the tone for what is acceptable. 

 Independent is not something that I let him be. I have cuddled and coddled and practically smothered the independence right out of him. I have held his hand, made his plate, let him have his way, and catered to his every whim since the day he arrived on the planet. In trying to do everything right I made the mistake of not letting him do anything for himself.  Which makes me question when I am telling to him to act his age... what does that mean... to him? And to me? What is typical 7 year old behavior? I have no clue as Aidan is my only 7 year old. I do know that things need to change. For the better. For the benefit of both of us. It's safe to say the constant reminder of the date on the calendar and how that coincides with his birth is not the way. So where do we go from here... I'd be lying if I said I knew. But I have a feeling we will be taking baby steps to get there.