Letting go...

Lately I have felt overwhelmed by the amount of baby stuff we have in this house. When I bought it all I was thrilled. Couldn't wait for the next thing that I ordered to arrive. I didn't care that all of these contraptions were taking over. They represented something special. That a baby was on the way. When you are waiting for a baby to arrive it feels like time is standing still. Barely crawling by. I wanted this little life in my belly to be here in my arms. To see his precious face sleeping soundly in the bassinet. His little body in the tiny tub spa just for him. And then he was here. All of these adorable little seats, rockers soothers, basically things he would never use were cluttering up this house. Still I held on to them holding out the hope they would get some use before he out grew them. No such luck.

I bought the bumbo seat after seeing all of my friends happy little ones sitting them. Loving their little seats that gave them just enough independence to put a giant smile on their face. I was so excited to put Ry in his. Hmmmm the seat seems a bit awkward. He isn't quite sitting right in it. Okay what am I doing wrong? Ah these chubby little thighs just aren't all the way in these peculiarly small cut outs for his legs.  Okay.... we will.... just.... get. them. in. there. Or not... no, no, no, no, no don't cry. You don't have to sit there. I am sorry I didn't realize your little rolls just don't fit in there. Aaaaaand there is $45.00 down the drain.

There has got to be something that I can sit this baby up in that he is comfortable in. I found the Fisher Price "sit me up". Perfect. He slides right in. Leg holes are plenty big to accommodate my little thunder thigh man. Of course that same week Rylan would start sitting unassisted on his own and a seat such as this is no longer needed. At all. And another $40.00 wasted.

The soothing vibrations infant/ toddler rocking chair... not so soothing at all in Rylan's opinion. Nope he cried every time I put him in it. Still I kept it in the living room in case he ever decided that it was the most relaxing chair he ever sat, rocked, or vibrated in. 9 months later the verdict is in. He doesn't like the chair.

While I was pregnant with Rylan, Seark was still sleeping in a toddler bed which uses the same size mattress as a crib. So naturally I went out and bought a new mattress for the new crib that Rylan would be using. Of course by the time I had Rylan was born Seark was not using his little bed anymore and we did not need a second mattress. But we have it in case Rylan decides to have a party and one of his milk drunk friends needs a place to crash.

I could really go on and on about the things that we bought and didnt use. At all. Don't even get me started on strollers. Finding the perfect stroller made me feel like that picky little Goldilocks bitch. Nothing was quite right. And we were close to living in a card board box with my collection of strollers by the time I found the right.

So every day I walk by all these things. I clean up around them. Put them back in their place. Put them in the closet and take them back out. Debate whether or not I need another tiny person to fill them up.... wait.... what?! I know random and bazaar... and yet true. OH MY GOD WE NEED TO GET RID OF THIS SHIT LIKE YESTERDAY!!! Mainly because I am impulsive and wouldn't put it past myself to actually make another baby for all of the unused completely adorable infant "must haves" the are playing mind games with me.

And so I get on Facebook. Upload pictures of it all with the caption "make an offer". With in minutes. Literally minutes. I got offers. Which made me unsure of my decision to get rid of it all. But I did I got rid of almost all of it with in 24 hours. Someone came the next day and bought all of the big things that were in the way. I let it all go.

In a way it was freeing. I don't have to move all this stuff from spot to spot. Try to figure out how to fit it in the closet. Look at it and long to have a another baby to put in it. I let it go. The stuff. And the thoughts of another little one. My family is complete. I know that. But it is so hard to let go. I feel like it was just yesterday that we were getting married. Planning for a family. Day dreaming about babies. And they are all here. Growing faster than I anticipated. Not needing all this stuff. The best time of my life is now and its moving along at a pace that I never imagined. I know there is so much to look forward to. So much more ahead. I just never thought that we would be looking back so soon.