WHAT?! WHY? WE JUST TOOK THEM LAST NIGHT!!!! I'M NOT TAKING ANOTHER ONE!!!
Aidan. Relax. It's not that serious. It will only take you a few minutes to get washed.
(wailing) WHYYYYYYYYYYY?! WHYYYYYYYYYY?! DON'T MAKE ME DO IT!!!
Oh for god sake knock it off. Try outs for the drama club were cancelled today. Get in the bathroom and get washed!
MOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!! FINE!!! BUT I AM NOT WASHING MY HAIR!
Don't forget to brush your teeth while you are in there.
OH. MY. GOD. ARE YOU SERIOUS?! I HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH AGAIN TOO!!! YOUR SOOOOOO MEEEEEEAAAAAN! I BRUSHED THEM THIS MORNING!!!!
You would think I handed this child a tooth brush and told him to scrub the bathroom like Cinderella with the way he is carrying on. Not even Cinderella carried on like this. I don't get it. What is the aversion to getting washed? It takes 10 minutes. I would love for some one to tell me it's time to shower. I actually day dream about it all day long. I can not wait until the kids are in bed and I can just stand under the hot water. Not my kids. And you can forget asking him to brush his hair. Half the time he looks like as my dad would say he brushed his hair with a pork chop.
Seark it's your turn.
Oooooooooooooh..... myyyyyyyy turn! Nooooooooo Mommia! I cwean!!!
Luckily that is about all the fight that Seark will put up. He actually loves the tub but protest is contagious. If Aidan is so opposed to the tub there must be a reason so Seark just mindlessly follows suit. He loves playing in the water so much that he doesn't want to get washed. Definitely no hair washing either. As much as Seark hates a hair cut he would rather get his head shaved than wash it. He cries like someone is killing him if you get water on his face. Yet will submerge his whole head to blow bubbles. My children defy logical thinking.
If I ever needed peace and quiet all I have to do is take out the nail clipper and let one of them see it. They flee and hide as if they just committed a punishable crime. Sometimes I think it is only a matter of time until Aidan will not be able to wear shoes because his toe nails are so long. Like the talons on an eagle I am pretty sure that he could swoop up our little dog and keep hold of him with the shear strength of his toe nails. He swears it hurts to get them cut which I know is a lie because I have sneaked in his room in the middle of the night and cut them while he is sound asleep with out waking him up. While Seark runs from the clippers too it is for an entirely different reason. He is not afraid of getting hurt. He just doesn't like parting with anything from his body. And apparently short nails are no good for nose picking.
So any way my long winded point is that my kids for the most part couldn't careless about being dirty. Looking dirty. Smelling dirty. As long as their hands are clean. Go figure the kid that will throw down over a shower is an obsessive hand wahser. Like we have talked to the doctor about it and have resorted to locking up the hand soap. Needless to say I don't fight them every night. I let them sometimes get away with a bath free night as long as they brush their teeth, wash their face, and put on clean pajamas. Of course last night was one of those nights. To make matters worse I had let Seark put Avengers tattoos up and down his as arms during thr day and drew a mustache with my eye liner on him right before he got in bed ... he is eccentric... what can I say? And when he woke up this morning he absolutely refused to wash the mustache off even though half of it was mostly smudged off. It looked nothing like a mustache anymore. More like dirt than anything else. I promised the kids I take them for Italian ice after we ate. By then end of any meal it is apparent that both my kids lack hand to mouth coordination. Both of them were practically wearing their meal. And this is the moment you know you have lowered your standards. I looked over Aidan and Seark. Two hot messes. I debated getting them changed before we went out but then thought ... eh for what? They are just gonna look as bad if not worse after they eat ice on this hot humid melt ice at the speed of light day. Why do twice the laundry? I'll just change them when we get home.
We get to the little ice shop and there is a little boy who looks Seark's age sitting on the bench eating an ice with his mom. We order. Get our ices. And sit near them as there is only one long bench and they are certainly not getting in the car with those ices. Which wouldn't really matter now as our car looks like it is sheltering a toy loving hobo that likes to touch the windows with his sticky fingers. The little boy looking completely pristine walks over and introduces himslef. " Hi I am Leeeeeoooooo L-E-O". His mom looking on with pride. I was even in awe of this little persons ability to not look like he came in a tye dye shirt midway throw a rainbow ice. My kids were merely holding theirs for seconds and already spilled a good portion of it on themselves. Aidan even noticed this phenomenon and incredulously asked Leo how he hadn't gotten even a single drip on him. Leo simply replied "I am not allowed to get dirty". Aidan laughed. And then Seark joined in. I'm pretty sure Seark had no idea what was so funny. Aidan said to Leo that can't be a rule... you can't get in trouble for dirt?! Just as Leo went to respond the bottom of his ice cup tore open and blue ice slid right down his perfect white shirt.
Leo's mother who had been silent until this point sprang off the bench and pulled Leo over to where she was sitting. She began furiously rubbing his shirt with a baby wipe as if it would take the stain out instantly. "LEO THE DEAL WAS YOU COULD GET ICE IF YOU DIDN'T MAKE A MESS. NOW LOOK AT YOU... JUST DISGUSTING! NOW WE CAN'T EVEN GO FOOD SHOPPING! I WON'T TAKE YOU IN A STORE LOOKING LIKE THAT. NOW WE HAVE TO GO HOME. YOU JUST RUINED THE AFTERNOON?!?! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?!
Oh god what a nut?! I thought to myself. I tried to make light of it by saying if it makes you feel any better we are going food shopping after here too... and they look much worse. She didn't even respond with words just gave me that good for you and your filthy kids look as she got up to leave.
I probably should have been second guessing my choice to leave the house with the kids looking the way they did but instead I was thinking I am glad I am not her. For my sake and my kids. Leo might have looked like a mess.... or simply like a three year old that had an accident... but the mom... well she looked like a very put together bitch. All I could think was what a shame... all the things she will miss out on worried about appearances. I'll take the dirty happy kids and the occasional disapproving glare any day over looking impeccable and feeling miserable. My kids are well behaved. They practice good manners at the table and everywhere else. They are also clumsy and messy.... and occasionally look like they wandered away from the pack of wolves it would appear they they are being raised by... but who cares? ! Thank god... NOT ME :)
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