This week end I decided that I should not be the only tortured with the task of grocery shopping. Why not make it a family affair? Oh right because three kids in a grocery store triples the amount of time it takes to shop. And with 2 in the cart there is really no where to put the groceries. And GERMS. Lets not forget about GERMS. 3 kids make 6 little hands that want to touch everything. That multiplies the chances of someone catching something by say... a fucking bazillion! But none of this entered my head when I suggested we all go together... to Wegman's no less... which is a good 30 minutes drive from our house. I know you are probably thinking why drive all that way for groceries. Well one we have no grocery store in town... unless you count Walmart. I do not. Walmart is hell. More specifically the parking lot of Walmart is hell. And you are lucky if you make it out alive. Which I am only half kidding about after the last time I was there when a woman tried to steal my diaper bag as I buckled the kids in the car. Two shoprite which is the next closest thing to us is a madhouse on the weekends and I don't have patients for that and my kids. And finally three... I just like Wegman's.
So we all load into the car. 5 minutes into the ride all of the kids are asleep in the back. Awesome. Except for the part where you have to wake them when you get to the store and none of them want to get out of the car. Thankfully we took the double stroller and could just move them from one seat to the next. Seark is an easy transfer and could sleep through anything. He stays sound asleep... for the entire shopping trip... which he will cry about when we get home thinking that we didn't actually go. Rylan is a light sleeper and wakes at the sound of the trunk opening. He is content for the moment to sit in the stroller. Aidan actually likes to come grocery shopping. He loves to cook and even better his Dad is with us. So win win for him getting to hand pick dinner and spend time with his favorite person.
The kids were shockingly well behaved. We walked down the first isle and an older woman passing by smiled at the baby and then looked in the back of the stroller that was mostly covered to sneak a peek at Seark. "Oh my THREE BOYS... and all so well behaved!" Now if you are a mom of three you know that it is a rare moment that all THREE of your kids are seemingly angelic little creatures. I have learned to take pride in these moments... bask in them if you will. I smiled back and said yes they are good boys.
We walk down the next isle and yet another woman passing by stopped to comment about their lovely behavior. Telling me that when her kids were their age she would never dare to take them grocery shopping and she only had two. I am sure she was exaggerating but hey I will take it. When a third person stopped to compliment my little darlings I was literally about to gush over them and how they are so beautiful and perfect and YES WELL BEHAVED. I mean they have no idea that the sweet face babe sound asleep in the second seat called his older brother a fucker last week. Or that if I take that box of pasta away from Ry we will have to leave the store immediately. Or that Aidan was in time out for the 900th time for being fresh. Just as I was about to begin my bragfest another mother walked by with a screaming toddler and it snapped me back into reality. We weren't even half way done shopping. The tide could turn at any moment. Ill just smile and say thank you.
We were nearing the end of our trip. Seark was still sleeping. Aidan was picking out fish with his dad. And Ry was being incredibly quiet which should have been a red flag. But for whatever reason I didn't think twice about it until some woman approached me. At this point I was sure another compliment was coming my way... "Your baby chewed through the cardboard box and is eating uncooked pasta... he's going to choke." Sure enough Rylan had chewed through the box and had a fistful of uncooked pasta elbows stuffed in his adorable little face. I just shrugged and said he's teething. To which she rolled her eyes and walked away. I managed to scoop it all out of Rylan's mouth and replace the pasta with a cookie and no tears.
What can I say... it happens... shit happens... With each kid you increase your odds of being embarrassed at any given moment. Just as I have learned to take in the praise of my seemingly awesome parenting skills I have also learned to shrug off the eye rolls and sideways glances. So he ate a little uncooked pasta...
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