Don't be a bitch I am doing my best

Today was another day of just me and the kids. I am used to it just being us. There is only one place I really avoid taking the kids to. And that is any sort of formal dining establishment. By formal dining establishment I mean anything where they expect you to stay in your seat for the duration of the meal. I don't even really like to go out to eat when my husband can come with us. It is a project. Not one that I love. Rylan is in the "throw it on the floor" phase of his life. "It" being anything within reach of his tiny little wanting to smash it hands. Dining out with a 10 month old is somewhat like yoga... for beginners. I spend a lot of time sqautting, bending, and contorting into positions I am not sure that I can get out of just so we aren't the table that everyone stares at and whispers "look at her letting her baby trash the place". Not to mention the murderous glances from every bus boy. So for everyone's safety I keep dining out to a minimum... even when I have an extra pair of adult hands to help out.

If it were only Rylan that was completely uncooperative it wouldn't even be so bad. But there is also Seark. While he is not tossing breakable plates and smashing cheerios on the floor he still manages to make eating at a restaurant damn near impossible. Seark is a lavatory connoisseur. Meaning he likes to check out every bathroom. In every place we go to. Several times a night. More often if they have a good hand dryer. Aside from the false tinkle alarm he sets off regularly he has the urge  to play musical chairs. He always wants to start off next to me. Then he moves by Aidan which means my husband has to switch seats with him and plates. Once everyone is settled he decides he like the other seat better and wants to move back. He also can't sit on his butt. No he wants to be half way under the table. Or kneeling on the chair just so you have a heart attack every 30 seconds anticipating the fall you envision every time he leans backwards. 

I spend the night lunging for Seark and squatting to clean up Rylan's mess and I don't even get to eat a  hot meal because by the time the food comes Rylan can't sit anymore with out screeching like a wild cat that is under attack. 

Today Aidan begged to go to a restaurant that he loves down the shore. It is the last time we will be down there for this year so I said yes even though I knew it was a bad idea. We were seated immediately which is fantastic. Our waitress took 20 minutes to get to our table to take our order... whats the opposite of fantastic? Hell... 20 minutes when you are the only adult with three restless children is hell. Rylan is tossing things off the table left and right. Seark has to pee... or maybe he doesn't but who would risk a puddle on the floor?! Aidan is STARVING! I am doing my best to not have a panick attack and run out of there when this cute little waitress walks past and rolls her eyes as she asks if I could move Seark's chair in. 

We get our food and everyone is occupied for the moment. Seark drops is iced tea. Thank god for kid cups. It had a lid and didn't make a mess. I get up to pick up Seark's drink. Hand it to him. Aaaaand Rylan is covered in baby food! COVERED! And so is the floor. I forgot to move the jar when I got up. And here comes the cute little snotty waitress. She says "I'll get extra napkins so you can clean up that mess" and walks away. She comes back visibly annoyed and tosses the napkins on the table despite that I have my hand out to take them from her. 6 years ago when Aidan was Rylan's age I probably would have apologized for the mess and cleaned it as fast as I could. Most likely got teary eyed too. Not now. Not as I sit there with three kids doing my best! 

Do you have children? 

Nope.

Do you want them?

Eventually. (clearly annoyed and I don't even blame her I can't stand when people ask me things like that) 

Good. I hope some day you have them. And you take them out to eat. Just you and your kids. And they behave like animals. And it embarrasses you because you can't stop them. I hope you have a waitress with a rotten attitude and she makes you feel like shit with her eye rolling and huffing and puffing over things like baby food on the floor... and I hope you think of me. Don't be a bitch I'm doing my best! 

Let's just say me and the cute snotty little waitress didn't hug it out. 

Children can be terrible restaurant patrons that is no secret but it doesn't mean that you should never get to enjoy a meal that someone else is cooking. I have a come a long way since my first baby. I won't put things off because of the way they might behave. Instead I take them everywhere and do my best with damage control and try to remember that you can't please everyone. I did however please someone. There was a very happy 7 year old that had crab salad and cod for lunch... and that was worth it eye rolls and all.