Maternity ward horror stories

For every "I had the most wonderful birthing experience" you will hear a "I had the delivery from hell" story. I found that when I was pregnant everyone wanted share with me their maternity ward horror story. Tales of endless labor. Fractured hips. Broken tail bones. Torn assholes. Hemorrhoids the size of grape fruits. Failed epidurals. Bitchy nurses. Careless doctors. Insensitive husbands. Blinding contractions. Shitting on the table. Cone head babies. Broken Vaginas.

With a baby rapidly growing inside my belly I was starting to panic. I like my asshole in tact. My unstretched lady parts. Which honestly I hadn't seen in months but still I wanted them to remain in the state in which I had known them my whole life. Shit on the table... I'd die. Convinced that these mama's must be exaggerating I had talked myself into the fact that I would be one of the lucky ones with amazing orgasmic birth story. Not so much... I was added to the list of wounded warriors. I now had my own maternity ward horror stories.

However I have enough common sense to not scare the crap out of every mama to be that I come across. I become the crypt keeper when asked about my experience. I don't spew out the gory details. One because it is not necessary. Two because I know that no matter what happens her story will not be my story and there is no reason for anyone to worry about the possibilities.

Shortly before my due date with my second baby I was given the option of having an elective c section because of a medical condition. Contrary to popular opinion I jumped on the chance to not push another human out of my vagina. 40 hours of Pitocin induced labor. Stiches up my ass. And nearly bleeding to death made my decision an easier one.

After choosing to have a c section I learned how frowned upon that is amongst members of the mommyhood. Emergency c sections... well those are okay because you have no choice. But ELECTING to bring a child into the world this way is just unacceptable. Friends, close ones at that aired their opinion on my decision in hopes of getting me to change my mind. And although having a c section is not ideal... lets face it... there is no good way to get a 9.5 pound human out of your body!

Most women that have had a c section will tell you how horrible it was. Worst experience of their life. And then there are the women like me that have had both vaginal deliver and a c section and I know with  fair amount of certainty the c section was far from the worst experience of my life. In fact it was not bad at all. Considering that it is major surgery that you are wide awake for it is not nearly as bad you would think. Or as it looks on you tube which strongly recommend you do not watch the night before.

Yes it is uncomfortable.   But so is labor. And labor has no clear end in sight. You could be in labor 2 hours or 2 days. Both of my c sections were over with in an hour. And my beautiful oversized babies were here. There heads not misshapen.

Everyone always talks about the shocking pain at the incision sight. And yes the day after the pain is shocking. Not as shocking as natural delivery. And after the first day every day after gets better and better. Plus I totally prefer stitches across my stomach than up my ass because you know what the ones that I had after Aidan were not so pleasant either.

Another common complaint is that during the c section you feel lots of pressure. Some say tugging/ pushing. For sure an odd feeling that you could live with out ever enduring. Quite honestly compared to a human tearing its way out of your body I'll take the intestinal massage any day of the week.

I hear women that have only had a c section say often that they feel they have been robbed of the birthing experience... to that I can only say the whole "natural birth" experience is OVER RATED! And it the end it does not matter what means brought your baby here safely.

I personally take offense when I hear moms putting down moms that have chosen to go with a c section. It is such a personal decision made with only health and safety at the forefront. I did not have a c section for convenience. But I was able to keep an open mind and make the best decision for me and my babies.

Whether you are a well-vetted member of the mommyhood with tons of experience under your belt  (which I think I qualify for with three kids) or a new comer try to remember the tie that binds is our shared loved for our little ones not our ideas about how they should be brought into the world. The next time you run into an expectant mom... even if she asks spare her the agonizing details of your maternity horror story there will be plenty of time to commiserate and relate after she has her own to tell.