We now interrupt your regularly scheduled life...

September. It used to be my favorite time of year. The end of summer. Cooler weather. Jeans. Boots. Maybe mother nature hasn't gotten the memo this year but the last official day of summer has come and gone... cut the shit with the hot weather already! I want to wear my uggs and sip pumpkin spice lattes in a cooler climate. This 85 degree nonsense is totally killing my fall buzz. But that is not the only thing that now sucks about September. Can you guess what the other fall buzz kill is? Yup... the beginning of yet another torturous school year!

The equally dreaded and highly anticipated welcome back to school letter arrives. Literally the weekend before the first day of school. Why? Why does the school withhold this coveted letter until the 11th hour? My best guess is so that parents don't have time to call and ask to have their child moved to another class room once they finally find out who is going to have the privilege of educating their little pumpkin this year. That letter feels to me more like a PSA "We now interrupt your regularly scheduled life to bring you 185 days packed with notes from the teacher, homework, more homework, requests for money for the nine thousand fundraisers that start on day one, and last but not least, all the bullshit and aggravation you can possibly stomach. Not to mention early mornings. Erratic nap schedules. The nightly bedtime, brush your teeth, wash your face struggle! Oh dear God how is it September already?!

Well when I started writing this it was September... now October. And after three full weeks of school I can say it... School. Still. Sucks! And the later it gets into the fall despite this humid disgusting could be summer weather... it is most definitely fall. How do I know? There is no sun when I have to get out of bed. Which just feels wrong. Rylan who was getting up at 5:30 am has now started sleeping later because even he is out to make my morning just a little harder. There is nothing worse than waking up to a dark quiet house only to turn on the godforsaken lights and even worse... wake a sleeping baby! Normally I would kill someone if they heaven forbid WOKE. THE. BABY! And now I must. I know you are probably thinking so wait 15 minutes . Have a cup of coffee. Enjoy the dark quiet for a brief peaceful much appreciated rare moment. No. Not possible. For a few reasons. I have already hit the snooze button 39 times and we are now late-r than we would be anyway. At the moment there is a coffee ban in my house since I read an article about the disgustingness that may be lurking inside my Kuerig. So now we have no sun. No coffee. And a baby that I have woken up. The definition of hell.

And then it gets worse. I have to wake Aidan up. Pillow throwing. Whining. Moaning. GET MY CLOTHES! GET AWAY FROM ME! I HATE SCHOOL AND I HATE YOU FOR WAKING ME AND TAKING ME... Aidan. He's pure joy at 7 am. After singing  "Get up get out of bed. Don't be a sleepy ahead. Open up your eyes" Obnoxiously 900 times to him (which he just loves) we head downstairs. The dogs race to the door usually knocking Rylan over. Aidan and Seark fight over who wins the race to the couch as I yell "NO ONE WON! WE DON'T RACE DOWN THE STAIRS UNLESS THERE IS A FIRE OR BURGLER!" Which they ignore and argue about who's ass hit the cushion first until I just about shove toast down there little throats to make them stop.

We usually wind up rushing out of the house like we are fleeing the scene of a crime. Not everyone is fully dressed. I am yelling HURRY... HURRY.... LET'S GO... HURRY! We make the mad dash around the block only to sit in dead stopped traffic. A long line of disastrous last minute moms shoving their kids out of the car as they pass the school. Blowing kisses to their bed head hot mess disheveled little loves as they yell "Have a good day honey". Let's face it... no one is having a good day if that is the start they are off to.

Yet I shove Aidan out of the car. Flatten his uncombed hair with spit on my hand and yell "have a good day honey"   as he mopes away. Every morning he waves when he gets to his door and I half expect him to give me the finger. And I wouldn't even blame him if he did.

I head back home with Seark and Rylan to clean the morning shit storm of crumbs and spilled juice. It isn't even 9 am and I am already defeated and exhausted. After a small quiet lull in the morning and a cup of dunkin donuts the day starts to look up. We go to a park or the zoo and enjoy the afternoon until school gets out.

Two things that I hate about this. One is that if Aidan were with us we could spend the entire day out. Not rush anywhere. Go down the shore or anywhere we want and just enjoy. Now we can only do very local things. I hate the limitations and time constraints that having to be back by 3 pm causes. And two I have to lie to Aidan and make sure that Seark does too. If Aidan thought that we were having even an ounce of fun with out him there would be literal hell to pay. So everyday when Aidan asks what we did I tell him. Nothing. We just waited for you. And I don't feel so bad about that because he lies to me to. Every. Single. Day. Since kindergarten I ask him how his day was and he says fine. Then I ask him what he did that day in school. Everyday I get the same answer.... nothing. Surely he did something. He just spent the last 7 hours at school. Maybe nothing that he loved but he did do something. But you will never get more out of him than "nothing"... well maybe the occasional eye roll.

From 3-6 is the absolute worst part of the day. Worse than the morning?! What in God's name could be worse than the morning?! Homework. Homework is far worse than any other thing associated with school. I think homework is really a test of the parents. I think it is teachers way of saying... I did this shit all day now its your turn to see what its like. Don't get me wrong I don't mind helping. Sitting with Aidan while he weeps and sobs over writing words three times each. I hear his plight. His hand hurts. His brain hurts. Just barely though as you can just about hear yourself think at this point because "Here comes the mail! It never fails! It make me want to wag my tail and wail... MAILS HERE!" I swear I hear that song in my head everyday as the mail truck parks smack in front of my house sending my senior dog into a frenzy. The little dog just follows suit. He has no idea the reason for the riot act but if Chachi who never moves unless he thinks cheese is involved is so worked up there must be a reason. Barking reaches ear piercing heights which in turn causes the already ornery Crylan to go into full blown melt down mode. Seark at some point will join in just to show solidarity in this insanely miserable situation. At this point I should just cry too. But I don't. I focus on the Blues Clues song circling my brain because... well because I have been up since before the crack of dawn with little to no sleep. All three kids are crying. The dogs are barking. The little one probably peeing on my floor because his bladder fails him when excitement hits. I have no happy thoughts of my own because my mind is in sensory overload. So I look at the clock and know if I can just keep my shit together for 3 more hours... just 3 more... hours. Oh. my. God. "Herecomesthemailitneverfailsitmakesmewannawagmytailandwail....MAILS HERE!" You just can't be upset while silently singing that song. And by the point the mail is here. Which I don't even bother to go and check because it's most likely just more bills. But the dogs have settled down. Or passed out. Either way they are quiet. In turn Seark and Rylan quiet down too. Aidan not so much because he still has more homework to do.

I bring Rylan in the kitchen with me. Put him with great protest in his exersaucer. And by great protest I mean I try to unbend his crunched frog legs while he claws at my face. I start dinner while tossing him cheerios one at a time and putting Neosporin on my fresh scratches. I yell into Aidan who is a pile of sarcasm and snot by now ... "just leave it I'll finish it for you." Don't judge. So what I finish the homework to save my sanity. It is what it is. The only things that bothers me is Aidan has the audacity to complain that I am not writing neat enough. Then I remind him I am writing as if I am him and he says "oh yeah. good job."

Finally 6 pm! Homework is done. Dinner is done. I only have to wrestle these filthy little I don't wanna wash my hair today monkeys into the tub. Get them to brush their teeth and then hand them off to my husband who puts them to bed. And just in the nick of time because I am ready to drop. But I don't. I clear the table and clean the dishes. Get snacks and lunch packed for tomorrow because I refuse to add even one more thing to the morning to do list. I pick up all the toys and scour the floor for Lego's so I don't have to scream "FUCK MY FOOT" in front of my little darlings in the morning. If I am lucky I have just enough time to sneak a shower before the littlest babe gets up to eat... again. And by then I get my second wind and no matter what I do I just can't settle down. So I stay up way too late just because it is quiet and dark and I am alone. Whoever said "silence is golden" definitely had children. Besides when else would I get to watch poignant adult TV like Real Housewives of New Jersey and Dance Moms.  But before I know it the morning will be here and it will feel like groundhog's day all over again! Damn it.... BEEEEEEEEEEP (my alarm goes off) WE NOW INTERRUPT YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULE LIFE TO BRING YOU 185 DAYS OF THIS SHIT...