Ulta-mate fix

If there is one thing that I love aside from my children it would have to be make up... oh yeah and my husband. But I am not writing about him. I love make up. Like crack heads love crack... I love make up. If I were to appear on the show my strange addiction for anything it would be my obsession with eye shadow. So where do make up junkies go to get their fix? The crack house of color other wise known as Ulta.

For weeks I have been meaning to make a trip out to Ulta and have just not had the chance. Finally the day has arrived that I must go. I am out of eye liner... I know... Out?! How could that be?! Thank God my husband is home and I can go alone... although in an emergency such as this I would have dragged all three boys to this high end crack house with me. My boys love Ulta. There are cool little testers to smell just about everywhere you look. They love to spray those tiny pieces of paper until they are dripping with fragrance. And I do actually mean saturated. So they might as well just skip the paper cut out and spray it directly into their eyes. Because that is where it winds up. Aidan has allergies and is always rubbing his eyes. Even after he has doused his hands with perfume. The base of which is alcohol.

If they aren't into the fragrance testers they are painting each other's faces and knocking over carefully placed displays. The girls at Ulta really love children or I am guessing that if any of their pretty painted faces ever has one that they will love it... my kids... not so much. But today I get to go alone. No monster make up faces or freakin fragrance spray fights. Alone. Just me. A quick stop at Starbucks. And Ulta.

I came here for eyeliner. Just eyeliner. One brown eyeliner by Smashbox. And there it is conveniently next to the prettiest shades of lip liner. But I am only here for eyeliner. Just eyeliner. But I am running low on lip liner... so. Okay eyeliner and just one lip liner. I draw little red, pink, and pale lines all over my hand. Debating which color I love. Ruby it is. Which is so odd cause I never wear red but this is the perfect shade. I am not passing it up. There is a little voice in my head saying go pay for this stuff. Just get on line and go pay. Get out of here with these two things. I can't. Because on the way to the register I have to pass the glorious isle of eye shadow. I have all three Urban Decay Naked palettes. I have Benefits Two Faced. More than half a dozen from Clinique. Some Lancome. A little Bobby Brown. I do not actually need eye shadow but Stila has new fall colors in the display case illuminated by florescent light and like a mosquito about to get zapped I am strangely drawn to this  magnetic yet deadly light. I gravitate towards the case prepared to kill the max on my credit card. The colors are quite exquisite and nothing like any of the Naked's. I have to have them. Even at $50 I can not talk myself out of it.

My phone rings.
Hello?
Mommy?
Yes buddy. What's up?
Mommy can you get me modeling clay?
Oh I don't know. It's late. You need to get to bed and I am not at the toy store.
Please.
You just got a toy yesterday. We don't have the money to buy you new things every other day!

Standing there with $40 worth of eye and lip liner in hand and a $50 eye shadow palette I felt like quite the hypocrite. For a brief moment I contemplated putting something back. But what could I part with. I came here for the eye liner so I can not leave with out that. This shade of red is just to die for. Ugh that only leaves Stila. I lean over to place it back on the shelf when my phone rings again. And suddenly I snap out of my mommy guilt.  Why am I putting anything back?! I am at Ulta... alone... for the first time in I can't remember how long! My kids are well fed. Well dressed. Spoiled with toys. Why shouldn't I be a little spoiled too? God I am selfish.

Funny how that works right. Moms do everything and I mean everything for everyone else. I spend my days from the minute I open my eyes not just doing for everyone else but putting them first in everything I do. And never once do I question that. They deserve the best and that is what I want to give them. 100% of my time. 100% of my attention. After giving 100% to everyone else I don't have much left for me. Not even time to sleep. So why do I question whether or not I deserve this or anything for that matter?

And so I left Ulta that night with $200 worth of new make up. Quite the fix. I came home and the kids were already in bed. I washed my face and like a kid with new crayons spent the rest of the night coloring my lips, eyes, cheeks. Almost an hour later I felt like a junkie coming down from my high. Buyers remorse was about to set in. But not tonight... I took one more look in the mirror and decided that it was worth every penny. Good thing I don't get out often alone or we would be living in a card board box with my perfectly painted face.