MAGICAL EXPRESS

Finally the day had arrived, The one we had been talking about and anticipating since the day we booked this trip 6 months ago. Of course after not catching a single cold in almost 2 years I would wake up with a sore throat and stuffy nose. Sick or not today is the day we start our vacation. A week long visit in the sunshine state... more specifically the most magical place... the happiest place on earth... Walt Disney World.

Of course we live in New Jersey so this first day of vacation will not really be vacation like at all. More like hell. Today will be the day of travel. The day I take three small children on a plane... accompanied by plenty of zanax. I am already resigned to the fact that this day will be a waste. I am ready for it. Ready for a torturous hour or two at the air port while the word Ebola repeats over and over in my head like a broken record and I wrestle kids to keep them from sticking their fingers in their mouths and licking the chairs in the waiting area. I know that sounds ridiculous but its true... between the ages if 1 and 3 they tend to do weird, irrational, disgusting things that make you wonder where they came from.

As a bonus the plane is delayed and the terminal where we are "in holding" feels like it is a thousand degrees. I came to the airport looking casual comfortable. After three hours with my kids and my inherited anxiety combined with the extreme temperatures I board the plane stripped down to the bare minimum. Make up melting and running down my face. On the upside the zanax have kicked in and I don't really care. The kids may have even eaten a cookie or two off the floor while I was not looking and that is okay too. We are finally boarding and that is all that matters. There is an end in sight.

I booked a later flight and purposely did not let Rylan nap in the hopes he would be exhausted and just sleep the entire three hour flight in the dark quiet plane. The plane takes off and Ry drifts off to sleep just I had planned. I settle in and close my eyes as I too am exhausted. My eyes get heavy and I am just about to doze off as Rylan startles. And that's that. The next 2 hours and 45 minutes will be spent with an over tired. Seriously crabby. Disgruntled lap passenger.

Alas we land. Later than we were supposed to but the worst is over. Or is it? The time is 9 pm. All of the restaurants at the hotel close at 11pm. No one has eaten dinner. But we have plenty of time right? Two hours. We have 2 hours to get to the hotel that is about 25 minutes from where we are. We retrieve our luggage quickly and race to the "Magical Express". If you are not familiar the Magical Express is the bus provided by Disney that take you to and from the hotel and airport. We race... only to wait. And wait some more. 20 minutes. We wait for the Magical Express for 20 minutes. Finally it is here and we board. And we wait. Wait for all of the luggage to be carefully placed on the bus. While we wait we get an over rehearsed tutorial about how to safely get out of the bus should it crash from our senior driver Merl. The time is now 9:30 pm. Merl concludes by saying sit back and relax... enjoy the 75 minute ride.

What?! What the fuck is Merl talking about?! 75 minutes??? He must joking! He must! There is no way that this ride can be that long... how could it be that long?! He's totally joking... unless of course he is not.

How could a 25 minute ride possibly take 75 minutes? It can when we are the last stop on this 3 hour tour

"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.

The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour. "

Yes that song played in my head several times as we stopped at every resort on the way to ours. Arriving at our resort at exactly 11:15 pm. 15 minutes after the last restaurant closed. 15 minutes!!! 15 minutes too late with three tired. hungry. irritated children. Not to worry the clerk checking us in assures us that the local dominos is as magical as the shitty extended bus ride we were just subject to. In any case it is the only thing available so I order as we make our way to our room.

A two bedroom villa in Saratoga Springs... sounds wonderful. And it is. Except that the walk from the check in to said villa is about a mile long. And once in the room I see the pack n play that will be Rylan's bed for the next week looks as if the previous tiny tot that had a restful night's sleep in it... also took a hearty shit... all over it! Brown stains and smears everywhere!

Thankfully although no acceptable food available at this hour... housekeeping is and the pack n play can be replaced... with a less dirty only slightly ripped one. So far not the magic I was expecting but tomorrow is another day and it will be full of magic... if it kills me!