So day one of vacation was a wash... more like a bitter cold shower. Nonetheless it is over and today is the first official day of vacation. There is no more traveling... well almost none. The kids are exhausted from the trip the day before and slept in which was a nice treat. We sat down to a nice breakfast and when I ask the kids what they want to do first I get an answer I didn't quite expect. "We want to go to the Lego store!"
What the what?! The Lego store? We have one of those in New Jersey! However if that is what they want to do then that is what we will do. To get to the Lego store we have to take a ferry to Downtown Disney. The weather is beautiful. A sunny 70 degrees. The boat ride is short and pleasant. We arrive in Downtown Disney and stop at the "Sweet Shop". The kids enjoy some chocolate Mickey ears as we walk a good mile or so to the Lego store when the bright sky turns grey. And before we can find shelter it starts to rain. No I take that back... it starts to pour! I run with two kids in the double stroller as Aidan trails behind with his dad. We make it to the Lego store... wet... with children looking like pigs that just enjoyed a mud bath. Yes wet children covered in melted chocolate squealing with excitement resemble pigs that just enjoyed a good roll in the mud. They may be shamefully messy but they are happy... so who cares? A handful of people that gave me sideways glances that's who.
The boys get their Lego's and finally we are going to The Magic Kingdom. But not before we take yet another magical bus. And then a magical monorail. All of that was exhausting... so exhausting Seark has fallen asleep. It is at this time I will note that we specifically took this trip to Disney World because Seark has been begging to come here. Every. Single. Time. A commercial for Disney World has come on TV (which is a lot when all you watch is the Disney Channel) Seark would get wide eyed and say "You gonna take me there right mama? Please take Searkie to the Mickey castle!" I mean really who could resist that?
So finally here we are at Mickey's castle and my Searkie is conked out. Can not be woken. I tried. So I figure we will walk around for a little while and surely Seark will wake up. Maybe this will even work out well. Aidan will have time to go on the rides that he wants to and do something's that Seark is not big enough for yet while Seark takes this little cat nap. That little cat nap lasted about 5 hours. We spent the entire day at The Magic Kingdom while Seark slept soundly in the stroller. As we left the park for our dinner reservations I had to wake Seark so that we could fold the stroller before we got on the bus.
"Come on Searkie you have to get up. Mommy will hold you."
Seark stretches and yawns and barely opens his eyes. I lift him out of the stroller and he finally wakes up.
"Are you hungry buddy we are going to get dinner now."
"And then we are going to Disney World?!"
"Yes baby and then we are going to Disney World."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that we had been there all day while he slept. Thankfully we had tickets to the Mickey's Christmas Party that night and we were actually going back to the park after dinner.
Dinner... dinner at Disney is kind of like eating Burger King every night but in a fancy place with a very slow waiter. The food is crappy but your seated at a lovely table with a waiter that's name tag might as well read "my name is: I HATE MY JOB" that moves as if there are no screaming children with you. We all take turns staying in the lobby with Rylan who turns into a tiny beast when he sees a high chair. After 2 stressful hours with my 13 month old exorcist dinner is done and we leave for Mickey's Christmas Party. We get to the park just as the light show on the castle is beginning. Seark is lost in this spectacle of lights... but not for long. Aidan has seen this all before and apparently a time too many and is already complaining that he doesn't want to watch the light show or the fireworks or the Christmas Parade. He just wants to go on the rides. I hold Seark who is unaffected by his brothers foul mood on my hip while my arms begin to burn and my back aches. Seark is a lot heavier than I thought and holding for 20 minutes is starting to feel impossible. I hand him off to his dad as I glance over at misery sitting on the curb. Rylan is also getting restless at this point so I decide to take him out of the stroller. As I do this the stroller flips over as the back is being weighted down by all the crap we have with us... baby bag, legos, extra clothes and jackets.... the list goes on!
After the Christmas festivities are over we take Aidan over to the rides he has been sulking about for the last half hour. As we walk we come upon Minnie Mouse. Seark entire face lit up! There it was... his magic moment.. the reason you endure this kind of torture... the priceless look on the face of your three year old that absolutely makes your heart melt. We get on the surprisingly not so long to get Seark's picture taken with Minnie Mouse. In about 20 minutes time we are at the front of the line. Seark is next to meet the mouse and he is just bursting with excitement. He takes one step toward her when a Disney employee cuts him off.
"Sorry guys it is time for Minnie to go back her cookies. She will be back for more pictures shortly."
Are you fucking kidding me... I did not say it out loud although I certainly contemplated dropping the f bomb in a line full of toddlers... but I did ask...
How long does it take for Minnie to bake her cookies?
Not too long. But remember she needs enough for everyone in the park tonight and there are thousands of people here.
Ball park it.
Not long at all.
Awesome. So we wait some more while Minnie goes to "bake her cookies". Seark is looking confused but not terribly disappointed. After about 10 minutes Minnie returns and we are first in line to see her. It was one of my favorite vacation moments. Seeing Seark approach Minnie was like spying on a teenager on a very awkward first date. He hesitantly went to hug her or feel her up I am not sure... then he decided to just go for it and kissed her. He stood there holding Minnie Mouse as if they were the only two in the park... and it was just about the cutest thing I had ever witnessed. Of course I got plenty of pictures to black mail him with when he is older and not so into Minnie Mouse anymore.
All in all it was a great day and there are still 4 more to come.
Tuesday, November 18, 2014
Sunday, November 16, 2014
MAGICAL EXPRESS
Finally the day had arrived, The one we had been talking about and anticipating since the day we booked this trip 6 months ago. Of course after not catching a single cold in almost 2 years I would wake up with a sore throat and stuffy nose. Sick or not today is the day we start our vacation. A week long visit in the sunshine state... more specifically the most magical place... the happiest place on earth... Walt Disney World.
Of course we live in New Jersey so this first day of vacation will not really be vacation like at all. More like hell. Today will be the day of travel. The day I take three small children on a plane... accompanied by plenty of zanax. I am already resigned to the fact that this day will be a waste. I am ready for it. Ready for a torturous hour or two at the air port while the word Ebola repeats over and over in my head like a broken record and I wrestle kids to keep them from sticking their fingers in their mouths and licking the chairs in the waiting area. I know that sounds ridiculous but its true... between the ages if 1 and 3 they tend to do weird, irrational, disgusting things that make you wonder where they came from.
As a bonus the plane is delayed and the terminal where we are "in holding" feels like it is a thousand degrees. I came to the airport looking casual comfortable. After three hours with my kids and my inherited anxiety combined with the extreme temperatures I board the plane stripped down to the bare minimum. Make up melting and running down my face. On the upside the zanax have kicked in and I don't really care. The kids may have even eaten a cookie or two off the floor while I was not looking and that is okay too. We are finally boarding and that is all that matters. There is an end in sight.
I booked a later flight and purposely did not let Rylan nap in the hopes he would be exhausted and just sleep the entire three hour flight in the dark quiet plane. The plane takes off and Ry drifts off to sleep just I had planned. I settle in and close my eyes as I too am exhausted. My eyes get heavy and I am just about to doze off as Rylan startles. And that's that. The next 2 hours and 45 minutes will be spent with an over tired. Seriously crabby. Disgruntled lap passenger.
Alas we land. Later than we were supposed to but the worst is over. Or is it? The time is 9 pm. All of the restaurants at the hotel close at 11pm. No one has eaten dinner. But we have plenty of time right? Two hours. We have 2 hours to get to the hotel that is about 25 minutes from where we are. We retrieve our luggage quickly and race to the "Magical Express". If you are not familiar the Magical Express is the bus provided by Disney that take you to and from the hotel and airport. We race... only to wait. And wait some more. 20 minutes. We wait for the Magical Express for 20 minutes. Finally it is here and we board. And we wait. Wait for all of the luggage to be carefully placed on the bus. While we wait we get an over rehearsed tutorial about how to safely get out of the bus should it crash from our senior driver Merl. The time is now 9:30 pm. Merl concludes by saying sit back and relax... enjoy the 75 minute ride.
What?! What the fuck is Merl talking about?! 75 minutes??? He must joking! He must! There is no way that this ride can be that long... how could it be that long?! He's totally joking... unless of course he is not.
How could a 25 minute ride possibly take 75 minutes? It can when we are the last stop on this 3 hour tour
"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour. "
Yes that song played in my head several times as we stopped at every resort on the way to ours. Arriving at our resort at exactly 11:15 pm. 15 minutes after the last restaurant closed. 15 minutes!!! 15 minutes too late with three tired. hungry. irritated children. Not to worry the clerk checking us in assures us that the local dominos is as magical as the shitty extended bus ride we were just subject to. In any case it is the only thing available so I order as we make our way to our room.
A two bedroom villa in Saratoga Springs... sounds wonderful. And it is. Except that the walk from the check in to said villa is about a mile long. And once in the room I see the pack n play that will be Rylan's bed for the next week looks as if the previous tiny tot that had a restful night's sleep in it... also took a hearty shit... all over it! Brown stains and smears everywhere!
Thankfully although no acceptable food available at this hour... housekeeping is and the pack n play can be replaced... with a less dirty only slightly ripped one. So far not the magic I was expecting but tomorrow is another day and it will be full of magic... if it kills me!
Of course we live in New Jersey so this first day of vacation will not really be vacation like at all. More like hell. Today will be the day of travel. The day I take three small children on a plane... accompanied by plenty of zanax. I am already resigned to the fact that this day will be a waste. I am ready for it. Ready for a torturous hour or two at the air port while the word Ebola repeats over and over in my head like a broken record and I wrestle kids to keep them from sticking their fingers in their mouths and licking the chairs in the waiting area. I know that sounds ridiculous but its true... between the ages if 1 and 3 they tend to do weird, irrational, disgusting things that make you wonder where they came from.
As a bonus the plane is delayed and the terminal where we are "in holding" feels like it is a thousand degrees. I came to the airport looking casual comfortable. After three hours with my kids and my inherited anxiety combined with the extreme temperatures I board the plane stripped down to the bare minimum. Make up melting and running down my face. On the upside the zanax have kicked in and I don't really care. The kids may have even eaten a cookie or two off the floor while I was not looking and that is okay too. We are finally boarding and that is all that matters. There is an end in sight.
I booked a later flight and purposely did not let Rylan nap in the hopes he would be exhausted and just sleep the entire three hour flight in the dark quiet plane. The plane takes off and Ry drifts off to sleep just I had planned. I settle in and close my eyes as I too am exhausted. My eyes get heavy and I am just about to doze off as Rylan startles. And that's that. The next 2 hours and 45 minutes will be spent with an over tired. Seriously crabby. Disgruntled lap passenger.
Alas we land. Later than we were supposed to but the worst is over. Or is it? The time is 9 pm. All of the restaurants at the hotel close at 11pm. No one has eaten dinner. But we have plenty of time right? Two hours. We have 2 hours to get to the hotel that is about 25 minutes from where we are. We retrieve our luggage quickly and race to the "Magical Express". If you are not familiar the Magical Express is the bus provided by Disney that take you to and from the hotel and airport. We race... only to wait. And wait some more. 20 minutes. We wait for the Magical Express for 20 minutes. Finally it is here and we board. And we wait. Wait for all of the luggage to be carefully placed on the bus. While we wait we get an over rehearsed tutorial about how to safely get out of the bus should it crash from our senior driver Merl. The time is now 9:30 pm. Merl concludes by saying sit back and relax... enjoy the 75 minute ride.
What?! What the fuck is Merl talking about?! 75 minutes??? He must joking! He must! There is no way that this ride can be that long... how could it be that long?! He's totally joking... unless of course he is not.
How could a 25 minute ride possibly take 75 minutes? It can when we are the last stop on this 3 hour tour
"Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
A tale of a fateful trip
That started from this tropic port
Aboard this tiny ship.
The mate was a mighty sailing man,
The skipper brave and sure.
Five passengers set sail that day
For a three hour tour, a three hour tour. "
Yes that song played in my head several times as we stopped at every resort on the way to ours. Arriving at our resort at exactly 11:15 pm. 15 minutes after the last restaurant closed. 15 minutes!!! 15 minutes too late with three tired. hungry. irritated children. Not to worry the clerk checking us in assures us that the local dominos is as magical as the shitty extended bus ride we were just subject to. In any case it is the only thing available so I order as we make our way to our room.
A two bedroom villa in Saratoga Springs... sounds wonderful. And it is. Except that the walk from the check in to said villa is about a mile long. And once in the room I see the pack n play that will be Rylan's bed for the next week looks as if the previous tiny tot that had a restful night's sleep in it... also took a hearty shit... all over it! Brown stains and smears everywhere!
Thankfully although no acceptable food available at this hour... housekeeping is and the pack n play can be replaced... with a less dirty only slightly ripped one. So far not the magic I was expecting but tomorrow is another day and it will be full of magic... if it kills me!
Monday, November 3, 2014
Happy Freakin' Halloween!... a little late
Halloween... why do I hate it sooo much? I have since I am a kid. I don't like anything remotely scary, creepy, or gory so clearly that doesn't help. And I am slightly bothered by the fact that my neighbors that seem perfectly normal all of a sudden drag out crates and containers of fake severed heads, bloody hands, and poorly rhyming card board head stones. Like really you deemed those things worthy of your time to carefully pack and store for a whole year! And then there are the ones that I feel cross the decorating line and veer0 over to secret fetish ... you know the ones I am talking about. The house that has the real coffin in front and the the absurdly real looking bloody mannequin dressed like a dead hooker inside. The one that makes you go hmmmmm Halloween scary or scary that you think it is okay to own that? Either way I don't think I want to live in such close proximity to you anymore!
Then there are all of the poorly run town festivities. Spooky woods. Haunted high school. Trunk or treat. The frigging ragamuffin parade followed by pick your own pumpkin... otherwise known as watch greedy parents trample small children for free pumpkins. I. Can't. Deal. And yet I am forced to attend at least one of these shit shows where I will inevitably run into some "townie" that I'd rather not while one of my kids has a melt down because the lines are too long or its too cold. Dark. Scary. Whatever the case I will be in the middle of pealing a child off the floor as I run into someone I graduated middle school with and honestly bobbing for apples in a germ infested bucket seems like a better option than the monotonous conversation I am about to partake in about the weather. Their kids. And what so and so is up to.
Then there is the torture of going to "Halloween Adventure" or something of the likes to pick out an over priced costume that no one will want to wear when the day finally arrives. Why would they not want to wear their $60 costume? Why? Because they have been wearing it since the day we bought it and losing a piece of it everyday until it is down to just a black leotard and you might as well through skates over their shoulder and say they are part of the men's figure skating performance team. I know your thinking why not just wait to buy the costume then? Because the closer it gets to Halloween the more chaotic those stores get. Looking like they were ransacked by ghouls or cross dressers. Rainbow wigs and Freddy hands strewn about the store and not one decent costume left in any reasonable size. Been there. Done that. I'll make them wear the black leotard of Halloween shame I purchased for too much money before I go to that store anywhere close to October 31st.
Then comes the actual day. Halloween. Now they need some elaborate face paint because they don't really have a costume anymore unless they are cat burglars or male figure skaters... face paint that they will smudge and cry about 5 minutes after you are done perfecting. The tears streaming down their chubby little cheeks furthering the damage to the already fucked up make up... I find myself dragging out three miserable little people begging to go beg strangers for candy. Every year I try to bribe them with movies and popcorn and baking cookies or better yet a trip to Toys R Us... none of which are sufficient offers. We must go trick or treating.... MUST! Because... EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING. So starting on the 29th of every October for the last 5 years I begin to pray to the rain gods to just wash out the whole thing and pray the people of my town are smart enough to not reschedule the festivities! Which has actually happened. But no such luck... may prayers were heard but the rain was sent too late. Around 7 pm to be exact... when we were already headed home with a bag full of candy that I will make them part with for fear that my neighbor with the very realistic dead hooker in the coffin maybe handing out questionable goods. Alas we are home. Safe and sound with another 364 days until I have to endure this misery again.
Happy Freakin' Halloween! 
Then there are all of the poorly run town festivities. Spooky woods. Haunted high school. Trunk or treat. The frigging ragamuffin parade followed by pick your own pumpkin... otherwise known as watch greedy parents trample small children for free pumpkins. I. Can't. Deal. And yet I am forced to attend at least one of these shit shows where I will inevitably run into some "townie" that I'd rather not while one of my kids has a melt down because the lines are too long or its too cold. Dark. Scary. Whatever the case I will be in the middle of pealing a child off the floor as I run into someone I graduated middle school with and honestly bobbing for apples in a germ infested bucket seems like a better option than the monotonous conversation I am about to partake in about the weather. Their kids. And what so and so is up to.
Then there is the torture of going to "Halloween Adventure" or something of the likes to pick out an over priced costume that no one will want to wear when the day finally arrives. Why would they not want to wear their $60 costume? Why? Because they have been wearing it since the day we bought it and losing a piece of it everyday until it is down to just a black leotard and you might as well through skates over their shoulder and say they are part of the men's figure skating performance team. I know your thinking why not just wait to buy the costume then? Because the closer it gets to Halloween the more chaotic those stores get. Looking like they were ransacked by ghouls or cross dressers. Rainbow wigs and Freddy hands strewn about the store and not one decent costume left in any reasonable size. Been there. Done that. I'll make them wear the black leotard of Halloween shame I purchased for too much money before I go to that store anywhere close to October 31st.
Then comes the actual day. Halloween. Now they need some elaborate face paint because they don't really have a costume anymore unless they are cat burglars or male figure skaters... face paint that they will smudge and cry about 5 minutes after you are done perfecting. The tears streaming down their chubby little cheeks furthering the damage to the already fucked up make up... I find myself dragging out three miserable little people begging to go beg strangers for candy. Every year I try to bribe them with movies and popcorn and baking cookies or better yet a trip to Toys R Us... none of which are sufficient offers. We must go trick or treating.... MUST! Because... EVERYONE ELSE IS GOING. So starting on the 29th of every October for the last 5 years I begin to pray to the rain gods to just wash out the whole thing and pray the people of my town are smart enough to not reschedule the festivities! Which has actually happened. But no such luck... may prayers were heard but the rain was sent too late. Around 7 pm to be exact... when we were already headed home with a bag full of candy that I will make them part with for fear that my neighbor with the very realistic dead hooker in the coffin maybe handing out questionable goods. Alas we are home. Safe and sound with another 364 days until I have to endure this misery again.
Happy Freakin' Halloween!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)