Only this time I wasnt dreaming

I'm soaking in a perfectly hot tub. Bubbles spilling over on to the floor. The water is too. I'm intoxicated by the scent of lavender. So relaxed. At peace I just don't care about anything. Not even the wet soapy floor. I haven't felt this good. This still. In... I don't know how long. But it feels so good I just don't want to move. I must be dreaming. I am. I am totally dreaming. Abruptly woken up at the sound of my dogs with their riotous barking at the mail man... I practically fall off the couch as I catch a glimpse of the time... 2:47. SHIT. Aidan gets out of school in 10 minutes. I am not dressed. Seark is sound asleep next to me. Ry also sound asleep up in his crib. Damn I just wanna get back in that tub.

Hi Bob (my father in law) can you come down here for a few minutes and sit with the kids while I get Aiden?
Sure when do you need me to come?
Ummmm 10 minutes ago... but I'll settle for as fast as you can get here.

Bob is 70. He lives on the third floor. Thank god he is only a few houses away but even at that it isn't going to be that quick.

I get to school just as the bell rings. Grab Aidan. Head back home. The boys get up shortly. Aidan is done with his home work. I decide to take them to the park for a little while. I really don't want to. It is nice enough out but it's windy. I'm tired. Still day dreaming about that bubble bath that I wont get to take. We go to the park.

The kids run around. Laughter and screeching fills the air and I feel better about my decision to get out of the house immediately. I watch Ry's little legs climb impossibly big steps to the top of the slide. He looks so proud... fearless. I am in awe. Not just of this perfectly tiny being that I made but of this moment. The privilege of watching something so beautiful... innocent.... Ry stands at the top of the slide like a lion over looking his pride. Watching his brothers run and climb. The wind blows. I shiver. Zip my sweatshirt. And think damn this wind. But then I see Rylan. His hair blowing in the wind. Looking like he's being electrocuted it stands on end. He has the absolute biggest smile on his face. I watch him breathe deeply... taking in the cold. Smiling with delight at the way the wind feels on his face. Magic. I see that look in his eye that I can only describe as magical. Experiencing and appreciating the pure joy of the simplest pleasures...  a cool breeze on his face.

I wonder when exactly I lost that. When I stopped taking pleasure in the everyday things that happen quite regularly. I watch his face light up and know that this is one of the best things about having kids... they bring back the magic. They remind you constantly that there are everyday miracles because they are one them.

Ry comes speeding down the slide giggling and squealing. Grabs my leg. Hugs it tight. And in an instant he is off again.  I stand in the in the sun. Warmed by the light. I watch my kids play and thank god for days like this. The wind blows. I breathe in deeply the cold crisp air. And for a second the sun and the breeze feel just like the hot tub I was dreaming about. I am still. I am at peace. And it feels so good. Only this time I wasn't dreaming.