You would think that making friends gets easier as you get older. Right? No. Nope. Just not so. Or not for me. Here I am smack in the middle of my thirties still trying to figure this whole friendship thing out. Don't get me wrong I have a few. I think three constitutes a few... well a couple would be 2 and I have I am pretty sure one more than that, so lets go with a few. And if you count my mother then that's four and that could technically make a bunch. But a bunch sounds like a lot... like yeah I have bunch of friends... oh who are they?.... Ummmm you know... well my mom is one... For the sake of keeping it real I have a few friends. And the ones I have I love and I wouldn't trade them for a million dollars. On most days. Cause some days I think I'd give my kidney for a million bucks and lets face it I'd be cool with dropping the count to reflect a couple over a few to keep that kidney.
Anyways... friendships are hard. In particular if you are a giver. I am. I am a giver. I give and give and give until I have nothing left. The problem with that is takers are often drawn to givers. And people like myself have a hard time drawing lines and creating boundaries so we often let takers bleed us dry. By that I mean we over invest. We go the extra mile. We make that phone call. We send that text. We buy that thoughtful little something. We listen even when we aren't heard. We show up. And we don't expect much in return. Because givers also understand that takers don't operate in the same manner, so we... forgive. Overlook. Make excuses. Until the slights and blatant disregard adds up to the undeniable fact that you are in a one sided friendship. And even then, walking away is not easy.
Yes even walking away is hard. Walking away means admitting that you just don't mean as much to that person. And that is a hard thing to admit when you have overextended in so many ways. When you have extended an invitation on every occasion but the offer is rarely if ever reciprocated. When you have listened for countless hours to some one else's struggles and heart ache but cant remember the last time they asked simply how you are doing. When you have shown up for every important event and then listened to the excuses of their busy life when they don't show up for you. It's the hurt in going the extra mile when you often are not even met half way. The realization that you do too much for the ones that you mean so little to.
Even in knowing these truths givers don't change. It is our nature to be the way we are and being anything different, anything less just doesn't make sense. Givers learn the face of fake friendships but are deceived time and time again by the takers. Yet somehow in the disappointment we learn more about ourselves and how to take better care of us. We learn to use this gift of constant giving to change what little space of this planet we occupy. We learn to seek out like minded people and form better more meaningful friendships. Other givers that understand the delicate balance of a solid relationship and know how to not take advantage.
Friendships have always been a struggle for me, but with each failed friendship I hold tighter the ones that have lasted. I have a greater appreciation for the few that always show up, stay connected, and genuinely give so much of themselves back. As for the rest I have learned to fake it, and when to let go.
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